Funny Retirement Quotes - Page 3

• Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

  Henny Youngman

  Teacher, Teaching, Assessment

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• The splendid thing about education is that everyone wants it. Like influenza, you can give it away without losing any of it yourself.

  Evelyn Waugh

  Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

  Evelyn Waugh (1983). “The Essays, Articles and Reviews of Evelyn Waugh”, Methuen

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• When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Retirement, Husband, Wife

  22 Copy quote

• Never get out of bed before noon.

  Charles Bukowski

  Retirement, Work, Bed

  Charles Bukowski (2009). “Hollywood”, p.260, Canongate Books

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• I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

  George Burns

  Retirement, Age, Faces

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• I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

  Rita Rudner

  Retirement, Age, Ears

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.238, Crown Archetype

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• When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

  R. C. Sherriff

  Retirement, Work, Age

  47 Copy quote

• When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.

  Virginia Graham

  Teacher, Retirement, Teaching

  7 Copy quote

• Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

  Jonathan Clements

  Running, Retirement, Vacation

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• Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

  Malcolm Forbes

  Retirement, Work, People

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• There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

  Groucho Marx

  Retirement, Work, Age

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

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• For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.

  John Sharp Williams

  Retirement, Judgment, Retiring

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• Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Retirement, Fun, Age

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• Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

  Jim Bishop

  Funny, Retirement, Native American

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.

  Gail Sheehy

  Funny, Witty, Teacher

  9 Copy quote

• Sanders was a friend of chickens.

  Charles Taylor Manatt

  Retirement, Chickens

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• Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Retirement, Work, Age

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• At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.

  Ann Landers

  Funny, Uplifting, Retirement

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• Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.

  Bernard Baruch

  Teacher, Retirement, Numbers

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• How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.

  Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Funny, Sports, Retirement

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• Art is one of the few careers without a mandatory retirement age.

  Julia Cameron

  Art, Retirement, Careers

  FaceBook post by Julia Cameron from Jun 30, 2012

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• Something pretty... that's just the surface. People worry so much about aging, but you look younger if you don't worry about it.

  Jeanne Moreau

  Retirement, Worry, People

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• Why retire from something if you're loving it so much and enjoying it so much, and you're blessed with another group of people to work with like the gang on 'Hot in Cleveland?' Why would I think of retiring? What would I do with myself?

  Betty White

  Retirement, Blessed, Thinking

  "Actress-author Betty White". "The Tavis Smiley show" with Tavis Smiley, www.pbs.org. May 12, 2011.

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