Guy Quotes - Page 17

• For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Two

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• So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Stars, Humor

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• A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

  Tina Fey

  Funny, Humor, Play

  "Saturday Night Live (TV Series) Robert De Niro/Destiny's Child". www.imdb.com. 2004.

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• I remember one time I went to a party and I had to interview Reese Witherspoon. She was just in this movie "Freeway," it's like 1996. To prepare for the interview I went to meet her at this release party, and I end up getting in this fist fight with a guy. I'm not much of a fighter but I get in this fight and the press was all there and they saw me, and all of a sudden the next day in the paper was 'Simon Rex and his posse get in scuffle, and Simon crashes a bottle over a guy's head after smoking crack in the bathroom.' I saved the article forever.

  Simon Rex

  Party, Fighting, Next Day

  "From 'Dirt Nasty' To Rex: An Uncensored Interview With Celeb-Skewering Simon Rex". Interview with Steve Krakauer, www.mediaite.com. July 13, 2009.

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• Fascism is relatively easy to explain. It is a reactionary phenomenon. Nazism was some bad guys having some bad ideas and unfortunately succeeding in realizing them.

  Slavoj Žižek

  Ideas, Nazism, Succeed

  Interview with Dianna Dilworth, www.believermag.com. July 2004.

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• A typical guy who buys organic food doesn't really buy it in order to be healthy; he buys it to regain a kind of solidarity as the one who really cares about nature. He buys a certain ideological stance.

  Slavoj Žižek

  Order, Healthy, Typical

  Source: www.believermag.com

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• I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

  George Carlin

  Comedian, Age, Golden

  Source: mavericksofthemind.com

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• I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

  George Carlin

  Comedian, Mind, Actors

  Source: mavericksofthemind.com

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• The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.

  George Carlin

  Looks, Hey, Look At Me

  Source: www.psychologytoday.com

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• When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.

  Amy Sedaris

  Beautiful, Eye, Water

  "Amy Sedaris: The Believer Interview". Interview with Eric Spitznagel, www.ericspitznagel.com. March, 2004.

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• Two guys enter the cage and only one comes out the winner. It gets you pumped because you know the other guy is trying to finish you and you want to finish him before he gets his chance.

  Travis Browne

  Two, Trying, Want

  Source: ca.askmen.com

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• The funny thing is, when a Harley-Davidson guy full of tattoos comes out with a Maltese, they're trying to soften themselves out. When a very soft, single lady with a tailored look comes out with a Rottweiler, she’s looking for protection, for strength. Society automatically views the guy as too strong so he brings a Maltese. It's just a natural way to balance your situation. It really depends.

  Cesar Millan

  Tattoo, Strong, Views

  Interview with David Morris, www.askmen.com. February 27, 2015.

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• Women can learn a lot about a guy because women, for the most part, want a guy to care about their feelings, to be a guy that is responsible. Women want to attract you, but they want you to know more how they feel. When a guy has a great relationship with a dog, it really says a lot about him.

  Cesar Millan

  Dog, Feelings, Care

  Interview with David Morris, www.askmen.com. February 27, 2015.

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• I never was strutting through the hallways like, "Yeah, I'm a singer/songwriter." That's never a cool thing to do - to be the brooding guy.

  Tyler Hilton

  Singers, Yeah, Strutting

  Source: www.seventeen.com

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• I love people-watching at the clubs in Los Angeles, where girls make fools of themselves and guys pay thousands of dollars for a couple of bottles of vodka just so they can get a table. It's quite a scene.

  Jackie Collins

  Girl, Couple, People

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• ... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Crazy, Humor

  "Don't Drink the Water", 1994.

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• I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Lonely, Crazy

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• He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Sound

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• If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  7 Copy quote

• My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Sex, Father

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• Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

  Adam Ferrara

  Funny, Sex, Humor

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• I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up..." WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up."

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Humor, Jumping

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Mar 22, 2013

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• That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

  Bill Engvall

  Funny, Humor, Men

  FaceBook post by Bill Engvall from Feb 19, 2013

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