Jokes Quotes - Page 5

• In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?'

  Carrot Top

  Laughing, Asking, Done

  "Carrot Top" by Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. September 02, 1997.

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• The Lord's angel, Gebrail, dictated the Koran to Mohammed the Lord's Prophet. What a joke if all that holy book were only twenty-three years of listening to the desert. A desert which has no voice.

  Thomas Pynchon

  Book, Angel, Years

  Thomas Pynchon (2012). “V.”, p.52, Penguin

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• That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Book, Mosaics, Grownups

  Kurt Vonnegut (1988). “Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut”, p.192, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.

  George Orwell

  Fate, Series

  George Orwell (2012). “Down and Out in Paris and London”, p.30, Lulu.com

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• Woody Allen once said: "You know there must be intelligent life in space. The question is do they have good Chinese restaurants and do they deliver?" Which is really a joke, but it is also a very profound remark. When you say do they have good Chinese restaurants, what you're really saying is, "How much are they like us?" And when you say, "Do they deliver?" you're saying, "Can they get here?" Both of which are profound questions. And at the present, we have no answers.

  Gene Wolfe

  Intelligent, Space, Profound

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• When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force.

  Russell Brand

  Drug, Kingdoms, Firsts

  "Russell Brand Interview GET HIM TO THE GREEK". Interview with Steve Weintraub, collider.com. May 31, 2010.

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• The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

  Allen Toussaint

  Mother, Law, Comedian

  "'Fresh Air' Remembers Hit Songwriter, Pianist And Producer Allen Toussaint". "Fresh Air" with Dave Davies, www.npr.org. November 13, 2015.

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• I rely on some words that actually my husband said to me. He jokes about saying, "You know it's only darkest before it's totally black!" Even in my darkest hour - and my darkest hour was probably when I lost both my parents - I look to him and I see what he has endured, what he has overcome, what he is doing with his life, and just how he's lived his life.

  Cindy McCain

  Husband, Parent, Black

  Source: www.goodhousekeeping.com

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• People joke about me that I talk in voiceovers. I have that sort of inflection. But I do talk in voiceovers. I have done it my whole life.

  Matt Nix

  People, Done, Whole Life

  Source: deadline.com

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• We have to laugh at how hard life can be and how screwed up we can be at times... It's a really freeing process when you're not hitting the jokes too hard.

  Brett Gelman

  Laughing, Hard Life, Hitting

  Source: collider.com

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• I have been trying for a long time to understand God. Now I have made friends with him. To love him truly you must love change, and you must love a joke, these being the true inclinations of his own heart.

  Isak Dinesen

  Heart, Long, Trying

  Isak Dinesen (2011). “Seven Gothic Tales”, p.355, Vintage

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• If you have only a little capital and are young today, there are fewer opportunities than when I was young. Back then, we had just come out of a depression. Capitalism was a bad word. There had been abuses in the 1920s. A joke going around then was the guy who said, 'I bought stock for my old age and it worked - in six months, I feel like an old man!' "It's tougher for you, but that doesn't mean you won't do well - it just may take more time. But what the heck, you may live longer."

  Charlie Munger

  Mean, Opportunity, Men

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• I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.

  W. Kamau Bell

  Night, Want, Like You

  Source: collider.com

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• Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming out of the character. If you don't have that, jokes are just empty and I think that people rely too much on jokes.

  Brett Gelman

  Character, Thinking, People

  Source: collider.com

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• What is the universe? Is it a great 3D movie in which we are the unwilling actors? Is it a cosmic joke, a giant computer, a work of art by a Supreme Being or simply an experiment? The problem in trying to understand the universe is that we have nothing to compare it to.

  Heinz Pagels

  Art, Trying, Giants

  Heinz R. Pagels (2012). “The Cosmic Code: Quantum Physics as the Language of Nature”, p.343, Courier Corporation

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• I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

  Amy Sedaris

  Writing, Mean, Dressing Up

  Interview with Will Harris, www.bullz-eye.com. January 7, 2009.

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• Maybe it's because I have too much pride or self-respect, but I thought, `Why does a guy who has thinning hair and who is overweight have to be a loser or a joke?'

  Paul Giamatti

  Pride, Hair, Self

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• Who could quarrel with Clark Gable? We got on well. Whenever anyone on the set was tired or depressed, it was Gable who cheered that person up. Then the newspapers began printing the story that Gable and I were not getting on. This was so ridiculous it served only as a joke. From the time on the standard greeting between Clark and myself became, 'How are you not getting on today?'

  Vivien Leigh

  Tired, Stories, Today

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• With Congress and the S.E.C. so heavily peopled by lawyers, and with lawyers having been so heavily involved in drafting financial disclosure documents now seen as bogus, there was a new "lawyer" joke every week. One such was: "The butcher says 'the reputation of lawyers has fallen dramatically', and the check-out clerk replies: "How do you fall dramatically off a pancake?

  Charlie Munger

  Fall, Clerks, Pancakes

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• The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

  Bill Maher

  Gullible, Danger, Effects

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• I have been asked many times, Why do you laugh so much and make so many jokes? I become serious sometimes-when I have a stomachache! The Lord is all blissfulness. He is the reality behind all that exists. He is the goodness, the truth in everything. You are His incarnations. That is what is glorious. The nearer you are to Him, the less you will have occasions to cry or weep. The further we are from Him, the more will long faces come. The more we know of Him, the more misery vanishes.

  Swami Vivekananda

  Reality, Long, Laughing

  Swami Vivekananda (196?). “Swami Vivekananda on Himself”

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• The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.

  Stephen Colbert

  Character, Ideas, Two

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Trans people deserve something vital. They deserve your respect... If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it. But for the thousands of kids out there who are coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn't have to take it.

  Bruce Jenner

  Kids, Reality, Names

  Caitlyn Jenner's ESPYs Speech, www.businessinsider.com. July 16, 2015.

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• There are elements of that, where you'll see a scene again and you'll recognize it, but I wouldn't say it's got one conceit like that, at all. It definitely has those jokes, but it would be wrong to say this is a show where, every time you see it, you see a new angle.

  Mitchell Hurwitz

  Would Be, Elements, Scene

  Source: collider.com

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• I think, in comedy, timing is everything. You and I could tell the same joke, but if one of our timing is off, it won't be as funny. You've gotta know when to deliver your punch-lines.

  T.I.

  Thinking, Lines, Comedy

  Source: collider.com

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