Jokes Quotes - Page 9

• It's interesting, once I have convinced people that, yes, I have a sister with a mental disability, the retard jokes really dry up, so I'm not sure how much retard humor is really going on out there, but I imagine there's a lot because it's a pretty safe group to make fun of. It's not like the Retards of America are gonna rise up and organize a protest. They're not gonna write letters. They only just recently got the Supreme Court to stop executing them.

  Bonnie McFarlane

  Fun, Writing, Dry Up

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• I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it and I like being inventive and original. That's the problem with doing a longer set - you can't do every joke that you have because some stuff contradicts other stuff. Even when you know that the audience knows that you're joking and it's not true, you still can't do a joke about your family dying and then later talk about your Mom. I mean you want to keep some kind of cohesive order going.

  Bonnie McFarlane

  Mom, Mean, Order

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• I never write jokes, I just try to make myself laugh.

  J. B. Smoove

  Writing, Laughing, Trying

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• I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.

  J. B. Smoove

  Brain, Next, Gears

  "JB Smoove, comic and torturer". TheWrap.com Interview, www.reuters.com. January 20, 2012.

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• I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

  J. B. Smoove

  Black And White, Night, Clubs

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• Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Writing, Challenges

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• It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

  J. B. Smoove

  Men, Black, Ongoing

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• When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.

  J. B. Smoove

  People, Dying, Trying

  "That’s how he dooz it! One-on-One with Comedian JB Smoove". Interview with Sergio Mims, www.ebony.com. April 2, 2012.

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• I came from the Groundlings Theatre in L.A., and there, you're guaranteed to at least try something out in front of an audience. At 'SNL,' only the best stuff gets picked, and it's taught me a very defined language of comedy. You learn the structure of a joke, which is not something I was very good at beforehand.

  Taran Killam

  Theatre, Trying, Stuff

  "Taran Killam on the SNL Christmas Show". Interview with Terron Moore, www.esquire.com. December 20, 2013.

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• I'm not a jazz musician, because, I mean, firstly, I can't play anything. I'm not bad on the tamborine. I have a certain way with the triangle. But I'm not a jazz musician ... my band, they always joke, they always say that I'm a disposable, pop, jazz superstar.

  Michael Buble

  Mean, Play, Musician

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• When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my content, and that's what I do.

  Julie Klausner

  Thinking, Giving, Way

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• The deepest motivation for a lot of artists is obviously the one they all share: their great fear they are a fraud. It's a joke. In my case the problem is not that I don't question myself. It's just that I question other people even more.

  Philip-Lorca diCorcia

  Motivation, Artist, People

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• In montage's original form as photomontage, it is capable of striking effects and on occasion it can even become a powerful political weapon. Such effects arise from its technique of juxtaposing heterogeneous, unrelated pieces of reality torn from their context. A good photomontage has the same effect as a good joke.

  Gyorgy Lukacs

  Powerful, Reality, Political

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• Like a ventriloquist who laughs at his dummy's jokes, I keep trying to make photographs that seduce me into believing in the image - all the time knowing better, but believing anyway.

  Larry Sultan

  Believe, Knowing Better, Laughing

  "At Home With Larry Sultan" by Colleen Kelsey, www.interviewmagazine.com. November 7, 2014.

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• I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made 'em up myself.

  Dolly Parton

  Ems, Made, Knows

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• I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age!'

  Dolly Parton

  Years, People, Age

  "Dolly Parton Says Giving Back Has Nothing To Do With Being Rich" By Meagan Murphy, www.foxnews.com. June 13, 2011.

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• All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either [Satan] or God will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specially of each man.

  C. S. Lewis

  Running, Men, Long

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• A human being having a full emotional conversation with a dog is funny, innately. It's one of those things where you get in a scene and you always go for what is the best joke, and a talking dog for some reason, whatever he says, is hilarious." (about his role wiht a talking dog in the forthcoming MEN IN BLACK sequel.

  Will Smith

  Dog, Men, Emotional

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• Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don't really have a problem with it. I don't quite know what people expect.

  Phil Collins

  People, Problem, British

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• The IPCC - and all the mainstream media and environmental extremists who cite it uncritically - really have become a joke in the scientific community.

  Joseph L. Bast

  Media, Community, Environmental

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• I like to joke that Inhofe is as far left as I'll go for an employer.

  Marc Morano

  Employers, Left

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• I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

  Darren Hayes

  Emotional, Thinking, Play

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• He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on.

  Raven-Symone

  Nice, Men, Cameras

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• The place that I worked I used to joke about it. There was a, every morning at 10:30 I'd come into work and I'd go into this cubicle that had a little upright piano and fake white cork bricks on the wall, and a little slate that came out of the wall that you could actually write on. And a door that locked from the outside. Every day from 10 to 6, we'd go in there and pretend that we were 13 year old girls and write these songs. That was the gig.

  Al Kooper

  Girl, Song, Morning

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• Put in every joke that's not a dud and then let's just start pulling the ones that work the least. You're just constantly sifting until you're left with the biggest chunks of gold. The audience also tells you what some of those chunks are. You can have your own favorites, and then, once you screen it for an audience, the audience tells you what they're entertained by. I feel like that's a big part of it.

  Jason H. Moore

  Gold, Sifting, Bigs

  Source: collider.com

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