Jokes Quotes - Page 11

• I don't think I would be a good politician. I kid about it when I get a standing ovation. Sometimes I'll say, "I may run for Governor," but it's strictly a joke.

  Liberace

  Running, Kids, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something.

  Jeff Beck

  Sound, Machines, Exciting

  14 Copy quote

• I end up feeling like a spy in the house of ethnicity, you know? Because people will talk around me as they would talk around the people in their cultural group. So I get to hear all the secrets and jokes and you know, I'm a part of every community because of the way I look.

  Sherman Alexie

  Ethnicity, People, House

  Source: www.truth-out.org

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Fame is a big joke. Stars need to stop taking themselves so seriously.

  Avril Lavigne

  Stars, Needs, Fame

  8 Copy quote

• I was photographing the photographer Brassaï. He had very prominent eyes, like a frog's. As I focused my lens, he brought his hand up and pretended to focus his eye. It was a joke, but it added mystery to the picture. There's a sense of action in a very small world. Or with Allen Ginsberg there were people smoking cigarettes and in the smoke there's a sense of motion. It makes much out of very little.

  John Loengard

  Eye, Hands Up, People

  6 Copy quote

• I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

  Chris Rock

  School, Thinking, Rocks

  4 Copy quote

• I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.

  Paul Mooney

  People, Path, Traps

  17 Copy quote

• I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it's a defence mechanism.

  Sanjeev Bhaskar

  Thinking, Terrible, Defence

  "My body & soul". Interview with Laura Potter, www.theguardian.com. May 30, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

  Kathy Griffin

  Forgiving, Different, Clubs

  Interview with Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. February 11, 1998.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

  Gilbert Gottfried

  Nice, Kids, Blue

  "If you don't want to hear an edgy joke, don't listen" By Gilbert Gottfried, www.cnn.com. July 16, 2012.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.

  Patton Oswalt

  Fire, Comedian, Sitting

  "Patton Oswalt: The ESQ&A". Interview with Scott Raab, www.esquire.com. March 19, 2013.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Fun, Loss, Shoes

  4 Copy quote

• I am fun. I do have a good time. I have a good heart. I'm not all jokes. I'm a pretty serious person sometimes. I'm very very hardworking. I'm very academic.

  Heidi Montag

  Fun, Heart, Serious Person

  12 Copy quote

• The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

  Dick Cavett

  Strong, Night, Dating

  4 Copy quote

• It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut.

  William Shakespeare

  Cutting, Scar, Easy

  4 Copy quote

• Love's a weird one, isn't it? I've never told my husband Graham that I love him. He's never told me either. I think it started as a bit of a joke. We just decided never to say it.

  Sarah Beeny

  Husband, I Love Him, Thinking

  "What I know about men". Interview with Polly Vernon, www.theguardian.com. January 13, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Good shoes - they're the ultimate finishing touch. In fact, we actually joke in my family that your shoes have to be shined before you can leave the house.

  Cam Newton

  Shoes, House, Facts

  "Cam Newton Wants to Teach You How to Wear a Sweater". Interview with Nic Screws, www.bloomberg.com. December 29, 2015.

  29 Copy quote

  Show source

• A lot of people live with no apparent means of support. I kind of envy the musicians up there. You're down here, busting your ass in Hollywood, and it's like Lily Tomlin's joke about the rat race - all you prove in the end is that you're a rat.

  Kurt Voss

  Mean, Race, People

  Source: www.aboutfilm.com

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• As professionals, we just try to keep the jokes to a minimum, when we're in a certain situation. When we're not doing that, we're joking.

  Mike Colter

  Trying, Certain, Situation

  Source: collider.com

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all.

  David Rees

  Art, Ideas, Funny Jokes

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I literally cannot remember one joke.

  Judd Apatow

  Remember

  "This is Judd Apatow". "60 Minutes" with Anderson Cooper, www.cbsnews.com. December 30, 2012.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you can definitely have a sense of humour about it. Like a lot of the time I'll finish my set with 'Sandstorm' by Darude - do you know that song? That's a funny song. People also go apeshit when you play it. But at the same time, it's not like the whole thing is a joke.

  Chris Baio

  Song, College, Thinking

  6 Copy quote

• I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting jokes out than getting the words out. We laughed all the time.

  Johnny Depp

  Couple, Brando, Practicals

  "Johnny Depp on His Varied Career, Jack Sparrow, and “Torturing” Leonardo DiCaprio". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. February 6, 2016.

  6 Copy quote

  Show source

• Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Writing, Way, Retarded

  Twitter post from Oct 04, 2010

  78 Copy quote

  Show source

• When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

  Duffy

  Couple, Space, People

  5 Copy quote