Jokes Quotes - Page 15

• I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.

  J. B. Smoove

  Brain, Next, Gears

  "JB Smoove, comic and torturer". TheWrap.com Interview, www.reuters.com. January 20, 2012.

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• I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

  J. B. Smoove

  Black And White, Night, Clubs

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• When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my content, and that's what I do.

  Julie Klausner

  Thinking, Giving, Way

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• The deepest motivation for a lot of artists is obviously the one they all share: their great fear they are a fraud. It's a joke. In my case the problem is not that I don't question myself. It's just that I question other people even more.

  Philip-Lorca diCorcia

  Motivation, Artist, People

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• Like a ventriloquist who laughs at his dummy's jokes, I keep trying to make photographs that seduce me into believing in the image - all the time knowing better, but believing anyway.

  Larry Sultan

  Believe, Knowing Better, Laughing

  "At Home With Larry Sultan" by Colleen Kelsey, www.interviewmagazine.com. November 7, 2014.

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• I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made 'em up myself.

  Dolly Parton

  Ems, Made, Knows

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• A human being having a full emotional conversation with a dog is funny, innately. It's one of those things where you get in a scene and you always go for what is the best joke, and a talking dog for some reason, whatever he says, is hilarious." (about his role wiht a talking dog in the forthcoming MEN IN BLACK sequel.

  Will Smith

  Dog, Men, Emotional

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• Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don't really have a problem with it. I don't quite know what people expect.

  Phil Collins

  People, Problem, British

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• I like to joke that Inhofe is as far left as I'll go for an employer.

  Marc Morano

  Employers, Left

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• I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

  Darren Hayes

  Emotional, Thinking, Play

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• When you making a piece of comedy entertainment, the audience is a big component there. You do have to end up getting rid of things that you love, but in the interest of making a movie that's not longer than two hours, and in the interest of when every joke hopefully is good enough, then everybody looks good. You cut things that you love, but ultimately it's for the greater good of making the whole movie better.

  Jason H. Moore

  Cutting, Two, Looks

  Source: collider.com

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• Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that.

  Avery Sunshine

  Thinking, Talking, Language Barriers

  Source: youknowigotsoul.com

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• I got kind of scared when I thought they wanted me to do something... I didn't want to be naked on the front of a magazine unless everybody would know it was a joke. I wouldn't want to be naked even then.

  Dolly Parton

  Naked, Magazines, Want

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• Cubans joke and satirize everything that life gives them, and I think that's a positive characteristic.

  Fernando Perez

  Thinking, Giving, Cuban

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something.

  Jeff Beck

  Sound, Machines, Exciting

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• It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Fun, Loss, Shoes

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• I've heard the joke a million times that "Jews in Sports" must be the thinnest book in the world. Actually, I've seen a lot of great players working at the Maccabi Games.

  Dolph Schayes

  Sports, Book, Player

  Source: alanpaul.net

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• Fame is a big joke. Stars need to stop taking themselves so seriously.

  Avril Lavigne

  Stars, Needs, Fame

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• [Revealing character] can't be done by pushing the person into position or arranging his head at a certain angle. It must be accomplished by provoking the victim, amusing him with jokes, lulling him with silence, or asking impertinent questions which his best friend would be afraid to voice.

  Philippe Halsman

  Character, Voice, Silence

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• Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything.

  Harlan Coben

  Children, Real, Heart

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• Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

  Kathy Griffin

  Forgiving, Different, Clubs

  Interview with Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. February 11, 1998.

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• Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.

  Patton Oswalt

  Fire, Comedian, Sitting

  "Patton Oswalt: The ESQ&A". Interview with Scott Raab, www.esquire.com. March 19, 2013.

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• Audiences of critical thinkers are my favorite kinds of audiences. There are jokes I tell in the show that don't get laughs unless I am in front of an audience of critical thinkers. Put me in front of a crowd of science teachers or astronauts! The guileless aren't our audience - it's the critical thinkers we love.

  Adam Savage

  Teacher, Laughing, Crowds

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• "What a joke: Tiny living entities crawling on a little planet and are thinking, "I am Great". "

  Radhanath Swami

  Thinking, Tiny, Littles

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• In the whole of the New Testament there is not one joke, that fact alone would invalidate any book.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Book, Facts, New Testament

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