Pants Quotes - Page 22

• Humanity i love you because you are perpetually putting the secret of life in your pants and forgetting it's there and sitting down on it and because you are forever making poems in the lap of death Humanity i hate you

  e. e. cummings

  Hate, Love You, Forever

  E. E. Cummings (1959). “100 Selected Poems”, p.18, Grove Press

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• I’m still having trouble convincing Pax that underwear and pants go together – underwear is not pants!

  Angelina Jolie

  Together, Underwear, Trouble

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• This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.

  Jen Lancaster

  Brother, Fun, Maybe Tomorrow

  Jen Lancaster (2008). “Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pi e is Not The Answer”, p.191, Penguin

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• The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club

  Dave Barry

  Country, Night, Fire

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Turns Forty”, p.124, Ballantine Books

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• Most people, when they imagine New England, think about old colonial homes, white houses with black shutters, whales, and sexually morbid WASPs with sensible vehicles and polite political opinions. This is incorrect. If you want to get New England right, just imagine a giant mullet in paint-stained pants and a Red Sox hat being pushed into the back of a cruiser after a bar fight.

  Matt Taibbi

  Home, Fighting, Thinking

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• Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, and a tie that looked like a street fight at the south end of the color wheel.

  Kathy Reichs

  Fighting, Color, Orange

  Kathy Reichs (2014). “Monday Mourning: A Novel”, p.121, Simon and Schuster

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• To tell the truth, girls are no longer the way they used to be. They play gangsters, nowadays, just like boys. They organize rackets. They plan holdups and practice karate. They will rape defenseless adolescents. They wear pants... Life has become impossible.

  Alain Robbe-Grillet

  Girl, Boys, Practice

  Alain Robbe-Grillet (2015). “La Maison de Rendez-Vous and Djinn: Two Novels”, p.11, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• There will be all these fifty-year-old women wearing hot pants and squeezing themselves into pretzel shapes and then there will be me. Just reaching for my toes like they're China. 'Hello there! You're so far away, I can't get to you! Can you even hear me?

  E. Lockhart

  Years, Hot, Shapes

  E. Lockhart (2014). “The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks”, p.143, Hot Key Books

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• This is not a book in the ordinary sense of the word. No, this is a prolonged insult, a gob of spit in the face of art, a kick in the pants to God, Man, Destiny, Time, Love, Beauty... what you will.

  Henry Miller

  Art, Book, Destiny

  Tropic of Cancer ch. 1 (1934)

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• The Little Boy and the Old Man Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon." Said the old man, "I do that too." The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants." I do that too," laughed the little old man. Said the little boy, "I often cry." The old man nodded, "So do I." But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems Grown-ups don't pay attention to me." And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand. I know what you mean," said the little old man.

  Shel Silverstein

  Mean, Men, Boys

  Shel Silverstein, “The Little Boy And The Old Man”

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• My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

  Jim Benton

  Cutting, Cheese, Brownies

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #2: My Pants Are Haunted”, p.70, Scholastic Inc.

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• That's a wonderful side effect of leather pants: when you pee yourself in them, they're more forgiving than jeans.

  Slash

  Leather Pants, Jeans, Forgiving

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• Give me the gun." Ranger said. I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over. Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. "It's warm," he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition. Am I fired?" No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.

  Janet Evanovich

  Gun, Hands, Keys

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• He'd changed since the last summer. Instead of Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt, he wore a button-down shirt, khaki pants, and leather loafers. His sandy hair, which used to be so unruly, was now clipped short. He look like an evil male model, showing off what the fashionable college-age villain was wearing to Harvard this year.

  Rick Riordan

  Summer, College, Hair

  Rick Riordan (2007). “The Sea of Monsters”, Disney-Hyperion

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• When I laugh hard, sometimes I wet my pants, but I'm always relieved because that means I'm having a good time.

  Ellie Kemper

  Mean, Laughing, Good Times

  Source: collider.com

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• Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  Funny, Money, Giving

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• I want to catch Mr Whitlam with his pants down.

  Malcolm Fraser

  Party, Want

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• I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a 'deserter.' What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants.

  Michael Moore

  Liars, Wmd, Drunk

  Statement in 2004. "'Capitalism is evil … you have to eliminate it'" by Chris McGreal, www.theguardian.com. January 30, 2010.

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• You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Humor, Men

  "Comedy Central Presents: Dave Attel". Documentary, Comedy, 1999.

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• If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Baby, Jesus

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• Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

  David Cross

  Funny, Humor, Eye

  "David Cross: The Pride Is Back". TV Special, September 18, 1999.

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• A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Party, Humor

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• I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

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• We've teamed up with some Japanese companies to, basically by 2010, make all our clothing out of recycled and recyclable fibers. And we're going to accept ownership of our products from birth to birth. So if you buy a jacket from us, or a shirt ,or a pair of pants, when you're done with it, you can give it back to us and we'll make more shirts and pants out of it.

  Yvon Chouinard

  Business, Giving, Fiber

  "The TH Interview: Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia". Interview with Jacob Gordon, www.treehugger.com. February 7, 2008.

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• Sex stops when you pull up your pants,
  Love never lets you go.

  Kingsley Amis

  Love, Sex, Pull Ups

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