I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
A conservative believes nothing should be done for the first time.
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