Waiter Quotes - Page 6

• Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.

  Richard Kadrey

  Vampire, Twenties, Five

  Richard Kadrey (2012). “Kill the Dead (Sandman Slim, Book 2)”, p.20, HarperCollins UK

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• The switch had two settings. You could either turn it to AUTO, in which case the awning lowered itself whenever the sun came out, or you could set it to MANUEL [sic], in which case, we assumed, a small, incompetent Spanish waiter came and did it for you.

  Douglas Adams

  Sea, Two, Sun

  "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time".

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• A bit of theory as we settle down for lunch: the waiter's treatment of Kitty is actually a kind of sandwich, with the bottom bread being the bored and slightly effete way he normally acts with customers, the middle being the crazed and abnormal way he feels around this famous nineteen-year-old girl, and the top bread being his attempt to contain and conceal this alien middle layer with some mode of behavior that at least approximates the bottom layer of boredom and effeteness that is his norm.

  Jennifer Egan

  Girl, Years, Lunch

  Jennifer Egan (2010). “A Visit from the Goon Squad”, p.128, Anchor

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• I'm here," she said, skidding to a stop. "Can we go now?" Sebastian insisted on helping her on with the coat. "I don't think anyone's ever helped me with my coat before," Clary observed, freeing the hair that had gotten trapped under her collar. "Well, maybe waiters. Were you ever a waiter?" "No, but I was brought up by a Frenchwoman," Sebastian reminded her. "It involves an even more rigorous course of training.

  Cassandra Clare

  Thinking, Hair, Training

  Cassandra Clare (2010). “City of Glass”, p.155, Simon and Schuster

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• The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I’m a barbarian).

  Rick Riordan

  Ice, Water, Annabeth

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• Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?" "What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said. "Tomorrow morning," Mabel said.

  Libba Bray

  Morning, Missing, Tomorrow

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• I am not a fan of people who abuse service staff. In fact, I find it intolerable. It’s an unpardonable sin as far as I’m concerned, taking out personal business or some other kind of dissatisfaction on a waiter or busboy.

  Anthony Bourdain

  People, Abuse, Fans

  "Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook". Book by Anthony Bourdain, 2010.

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• When somebody is a little bit wrong - say, when a waited puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat milk - it is often quite easy to explain to them how and why they are wrong. But if somebody is surprisingly wrong - say, when a waiter bites your nose instead of taking your order - you can often be so surprised that you are unable to say anything at all. Paralyzed by how wrong the waiter is, your moth would hang slightly open and your eyes would blink over and over, but you would be unable to say a word.

  Daniel Handler

  Eye, Often Is, Order

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• Worship is first and foremost a feasting on all that God is for us in Jesus... [One] in which God is the host, the cook, the waiter, and the meal itself.

  Sam Storms

  Jesus, Meals, Firsts

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• I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Night

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• If you wait for inspiration, you're not a writer, but a waiter.

  Louis L'Amour

  Inspiration, Waiting, Acting

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• I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.

  Jane Siberry

  Waitress, Ifs

  Song: The Waitress, Album: No Borders Here

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• It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.

  W. S. Gilbert

  Food, Cooking, Tables

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• My father was and is a great father. My father always wanted to do stand-up. He wanted to be an actor. But instead he did two jobs. He did customer service at a hospital and he worked as a waiter at night. He pretty much sacrificed everything for his daughters.

  Sherri Shepherd

  Daughter, Mother, Jobs

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• Eating reveals the characteristic grossness of the human race and also the in-built failure of its satisfactions. We arrive eager, we stuff ourselves and we go away depressed and disappointed and probably feeling a bit queasy into the bargain. It's an image of the déçu in human existence. A greedy start and a stupefied finish. Waiters, who are constantly observing this cycle, must be the most disillusioned of men.

  Iris Murdoch

  Men, Race, Feelings

  Iris Murdoch (2001). “A Fairly Honourable Defeat”, p.209, Penguin

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• Hell is probably quite similar to most Paris bistros ... a bit overheated, somewhat too crowded, and a little too noisy for my tastes. The waiters will surely treat you rudely and the cashiers will always add a few extra francs to your bill but ... and this is the important part ... the food will be marvelous.

  Henry Miller

  Food, Paris, Cooking

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• I'm almost 40, so it's an awkward time in my career. You kind of hope it comes through and, if not, I'll be a waiter. Awesome.

  Matthew Lillard

  Careers, Awkward, Kind

  "EXCLUSIVE: Matthew Lillard Puts His Improv Chops on Display". Interview with Brian Gallagher, movieweb.com. November 6, 2009.

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• I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

  Jack Benny

  Order, Years, Giving

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• I first understood the changes that were necessary in this world, because the waiters in the restaurant, when I cried, used to say, "Leave her on the hillside to die. She's only a girl baby." I think they said it somewhat as a joke, maybe not, but it made me understand that being born female in this world was very different from being born male.

  Grace Lee Boggs

  Girl, Baby, Thinking

  "VIDEO: Legendary Detroit Activist Grace Lee Boggs Turns 100; Watch Never-Before-Aired Interview". Interview with Amy Goodman, www.democracynow.org. June 27, 2015.

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• Eight years ago, I was a waiter, and I didn't have a pot to piss in. And now...? It's like I said to my wife: I love the fact that, if I was in a restaurant and Steven Spielberg walked in, I could go up to him and say, 'Hey, mate, how are you?' I think that's pretty amazing, actually.

  Nick Frost

  Thinking, Eight, Years

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• So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Eye

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• I don't like people being rude. Bad manners and arrogance make me cross. People making others feel uncomfortable. And I really don't like it in restaurants when people are rude or patronising to waiters. I feel like saying, 'They're not your slave'. But my knees only shake around once every five years. You're safe, don't worry.

  Alan Titchmarsh

  Years, Worry, People

  Source: www.mirror.co.uk

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• There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best definition is that it is the place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are the waiters, the Greeks run the government, and the common language is Dutch.

  David Frost

  Sarcastic, Running, Government

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• I basically modeled my way through college, doing local runway shows in L.A. that don't pay a lot and a couple of shows in N.Y. and S.F., and I probably made the same as the average 19-year-old waiter; I just worked less and was around beautiful girls, so it was nice.

  Mehcad Brooks

  Beautiful, Girl, Couple

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• The Englishman foxtrots as he fox-hunts, with all his being, through thickets, through ditches, over hedges, through chiffons, through waiters, over saxophones, to the victorious finish; and who goes home depends on how many the ambulance will accommodate.

  Edna St. Vincent Millay

  Home, Saxophone, Foxes

  Edna St. Vincent Millay (1924). “Distressing dialogues”

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