Rita Rudner Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Sight, Weight

  4 Copy quote

• Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

  Rita Rudner

  Shopping, Feelings, Special

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  4 Copy quote

• The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Men

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  10 Copy quote

• I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Albums

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  14 Copy quote

• My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Mother

  12 Copy quote

• Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.

  Rita Rudner

  Mistake, Mean, Men

  5 Copy quote

• I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

  Rita Rudner

  Regret, Sharks, Looks

  6 Copy quote

• My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

  Rita Rudner

  Cousin, Real, Men

  4 Copy quote

• An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

  Rita Rudner

  Divorce, Condom

  5 Copy quote

• Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.

  Rita Rudner

  Hair, People, Want

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  9 Copy quote

• I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

  Rita Rudner

  Retirement, Age, Ears

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.238, Crown Archetype

  9 Copy quote

• I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

  Rita Rudner

  Money, Cards, Credit

  8 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• Men who write love letters don't live in this century.

  Rita Rudner

  Writing, Men, Letters

  4 Copy quote

• If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

  Rita Rudner

  Jobs, Sweaters, Suffering

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

  Rita Rudner

  Dresses, Needs, Gum

  7 Copy quote

• Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

  Rita Rudner

  Sarcastic, Mother, Sarcasm

  FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012

  10 Copy quote

• Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Caring

  7 Copy quote

• Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

  Rita Rudner

  Aging, Nobody Knows, Know How

  Rita Rudner (2001). “Tickled Pink: A Comic Novel”, p.216, Simon and Schuster

  6 Copy quote

• I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.

  Rita Rudner

  Ideas, People, Restaurants

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  5 Copy quote

• Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Sports, Men

  12 Copy quote

• I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.

  Rita Rudner

  Cat, Fur, Waste

  4 Copy quote

• I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Women, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Self, Magazines

  4 Copy quote

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