Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Page 16

Quotes about:

• That's always disappointed me, to see a guy in the crowd who doesn't look like he's having fun but in general if you just listen to the crowd it sounds like they're having fun. So I don't want to focus on the one guy who's not having fun. And by closing my eyes and just listening, I can't hear that he's not laughing but I can see that he's not laughing.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Fun, Eye, Laughing

  Source: www.comedymoontower.com

  5 Copy quote

• When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want to see yourself having to do this for seven years before you start to get some feedback.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Years, Want, Comedy

  Source: www.comedymoontower.com

  4 Copy quote

• If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Men

  4 Copy quote

• I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Suitcases

  4 Copy quote

• I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Dad, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Pieces

  99 Copy quote

• Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Mean

  4 Copy quote

• I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Guy

  4 Copy quote

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