Funny Marriage Advice Quotes

• you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

  Bill Maher

  Husband, Names, People

  2 Copy quote

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  Forbes Magazine, Volume 166 (p. 156), 2000.

  68 Copy quote

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• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  36 Copy quote

• Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Marriage, People

  27 Copy quote

• Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.

  Bettina Arndt

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Arndt, Bettina, Bettina Arndt (2009). “The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles”, p.60, Melbourne Univ. Publishing

  40 Copy quote

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• Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

  Georg C. Lichtenberg

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  13 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

  Billy Connolly

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  Twitter post from Sep 12, 2011

  12 Copy quote

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• All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

  Lord Byron

  Funny Marriage, Tragedy, Comedy

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 3, st. 9

  14 Copy quote

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• Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

  Joey Adams

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  Joey Adams (1957). “Cindy and I: The Real Life Adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Joey Adams”

  17 Copy quote

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• Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Birthday, Marriage

  Irvin S. Cobb, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Helen Rowland, Richard Saunders (2017). “We Should All Be So Feminine: We Should All Be a Feminist: We Should All Be Feminists”, p.53, Lulu.com

  93 Copy quote

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• When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

  Joseph Campbell

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Joseph Campbell, Bill Moyers (2011). “The Power of Myth”, p.7, Anchor

  64 Copy quote

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• If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  53 Copy quote

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• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Cute, Marriage, Funny Love

  22 Copy quote

• Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  Jean Kerr

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

  21 Copy quote

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• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  14 Copy quote

• Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Marriage, Spiritual

  25 Copy quote

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

  Hemant Joshi

  Marriage, Clever, Husband

  33 Copy quote
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  Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

  Will Ferrell

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  53 Copy quote

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  20 Copy quote

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• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  49 Copy quote

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• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Funny Love

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

  27 Copy quote

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• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  88 Copy quote

• Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.

  Simone Signoret

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  54 Copy quote

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

  18 Copy quote

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• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  193 Copy quote