If you can't convince them, confuse them.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Don't take life too seriously.
The second mouse gets the cheese!
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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