Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
Until we meet again, may the good Lord take a liking to you.
When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation.
I can resist everything except temptation.
This world has angels all too few, and heaven is overflowing.
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
St. Patrick... one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.
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