Jokes Quotes - Page 38

• A beautiful problem is no joke!

  Marvin Knopp

  Beautiful, Problem, Mathematics

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• The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.

  Scott Adams

  Laughter, Laughing, Energy

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• Pardew has come out and criticized me. He is the worst at haranguing referees. He shoves them and makes a joke of it. How he can criticize me is unbelievable. He forgets the help I gave him, by the way. The press have had a field day. The only person they have not spoken to is Barack Obama because he is busy. It is unfortunate but I am the manager of the most famous club in the world. Not Newcastle, a wee club in the North-East. I was demonstrative. I am always demonstrative. Everyone knows that. I am an emotional guy but I was not abusive.

  Alex Ferguson

  Inspirational, Emotional, Guy

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• I'd like to speak a foreign language well enough to get the jokes. I'd like to talk with Socrates, and watch Michelangelo sculpt David. I'd like to see the world as it was a million years ago and a million years hence.

  Robert Fulghum

  Time, Years, Watches

  Robert Fulghum (2004). “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things”, p.184, Ballantine Books

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• I actually like jokes as well as things that are sort of fun.

  Mitt Romney

  Fun, Awkward, Wells

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• When I played Lady Day, I took Aba onstage with me as a joke. He started singing-in tune!-and the audience loved it.

  Eartha Kitt

  Funny, Dog, Training

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• Desegregation is a joke.

  Nina Simone

  Brotherhood

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• Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction.

  Peter Chernin

  Men, Mass Destruction, Weapons

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• I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date.

  Mary McCormack

  Fun, Thinking, People

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable

  Benoit Mandelbrot

  Nails, Hammers, Acceptable

  "A Theory of Roughness". The Edge Interview, www.edge.org. December 20, 2004.

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• Tonally, there was no discussion; I just don’t know any other way to do it. I don’t want to make people feel bad, and I don’t want to make their problems into a joke. I do love telling people when they’re right and wrong, but for the most part, it was always going to be about real fights where people have a real difference of opinion and a real dispute. I want to make jokes, but I also want to make a decision that is fair.

  John Hodgman

  Real, Fighting, Differences

  "John Hodgman, part two: geeks vs. jocks in all walks of life". Interview with Scott Tobias, www.avclub.com. March 30, 2012.

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• You think a student leaves each week because they are out of the academy. This is just a cover up to hide serious injury that has occured! Malachi has only one ear and is now wearing one of those joke rubber ones - it's very noticeable but people are too polite to say!

  David Sneddon

  Thinking, People, Cover Ups

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• It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.

  Keenen Ivory Wayans

  Sex, Teenage, Giving

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• If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

  Jimmy Nail

  Thinking, Guy, Firsts

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• I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.

  Glen Campbell

  Roger, Used

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• You can't just yell jokes at people.

  David Cross

  Funny, Humor, People

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• It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

  Wanda Sykes

  Firsts, Comedy, Behinds

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• Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

  Rob Corddry

  Thinking, Air, Answers

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• My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

  Brad Garrett

  Whole Life, Whole

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• Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.

  Margaret Mahy

  Funny, Children, Writing

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• I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

  Bernhard Langer

  Games, Play, Cracks

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• It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

  Mo Rocca

  Issues, Conflict, Sensitive

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• It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
  For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
  and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Years, Corny, Okay

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• The thing about all good horror movies is that the fans expect a couple of inside jokes. Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it, but it was really fun.

  Margot Kidder

  Fun, Couple, Fans

  Interview with Andrew Williams, metro.co.uk. October 27, 2009.

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• When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.

  Evan Dando

  Journey, Ugly, Awful

  "I can't completely let go of drugs - and I don't want to" by Mat Snow, www.theguardian.com. August 23, 2006.

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