Jokes Quotes - Page 35

• One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit.

  Jean de la Bruyere

  People, Risk, Culture

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• He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

  Charles de Gaulle

  Funny, Laughter, Laughing

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• Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass.

  Lisa Lampanelli

  Wipe, Legends, Lips

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• I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

  David Lee Roth

  Stories, Cry, Shows

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• Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has become a very serious science.

  Arthur Machen

  Dream, Stupid, Silly

  Arthur Machen (2013). “Delphi Collected Works of Arthur Machen (Illustrated)”, p.1199, Delphi Classics

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• There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.

  Alex Turner

  Song, Writing, Cracks

  "Alex Turner" by Ryan Dombal, pitchfork.com. May 10, 2012.

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• The whole point of animation to me is to tell a story, make a joke, express an idea. The technique itself doesn't really matter. Whatever works is the thing to use.

  Terry Gilliam

  Ideas, Technique, Stories

  "Exclusive: Laika chasing Terry Gilliam for animated film" by Ryan Lambie, www.denofgeek.com. March 13, 2014.

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• I was just, you know, kind of getting racist jokes, kind of being isolated from the group. So it was definitely hard. I would come home at night and just cry my eyes out.

  Gabby Douglas

  Home, Eye, Night

  "Gabby Douglas' Interview With Oprah Winfrey Sparks Firestorm Online". www.hollywoodreporter.com. August 28, 2012.

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• I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.

  Bill Hicks

  Artist, Perception, Western Culture

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• Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

  Jim Bouton

  Girl, Cameras, Lenses

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• I joke, but I only half joke, that if you come to one of our hospitals missing a limb, no one will believe you till they get a CAT scan, MRI, or orthopedic consult.

  Abraham Verghese

  Motivation, Believe, Inspiration

  "A doctor's touch". TED Talk, www.ted.com. July 2011.

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• After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that it would cost me dearly in pain. At the age of five I had become a skeptic and began to sense that any happiness that came my way might be the prelude to some grim cosmic joke.

  Russell Baker

  Pain, Father, Real

  Russell Baker (1984). “Growing up”, Signet

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• With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke

  Tim Vine

  Confidence, Silly, Laughing

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• I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

  Michael Scott

  Inside Jokes

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• We have a new joke on the reservation: 'What is cultural deprivation?' Answer: 'Being an upper-middle class white kid living in a split-level suburban home with a color TV.'

  John Fire Lame Deer

  Home, Kids, Color

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• I've always felt that animals are the purest spirits in the world. They don't fake or hide their feelings, and they are the most loyal creatures on Earth. And somehow we humans think we're smarter-what a joke.

  Pink

  Thinking, Animal, Fake

  "P!nk Tells Circus, ‘Pack Your Trunks!’". PETA Interview, www.peta2.com. July 18, 2011.

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• I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out.

  Clive Anderson

  Comedy, Week, Shows

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• And I liked pluralist Australia. I got a taste for pluralist Australia. I like, I like Australians and I can't believe that they're going to go to hell because they tell a good dirty joke, you know.

  Thomas Keneally

  Believe, Dirty, Australia

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• We were almost getting used to playing without fans in the Champions League. Jokes aside though, I think help from our fans will be indispensable for such a big match.

  Roberto Mancini

  Thinking, Champions League, Fans

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• I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh

  Simon Le Bon

  Thinking, Laughing, People

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• It is natural that people do not want to be involved with us too much. There is no problem down to the smallest egotistical longing which the Gestapo cannot solve. Regarded in this way we are, if a joke is permitted, looked upon as a cross between a general maid and the dustbin of the Reich.

  Reinhard Heydrich

  People, Maids, Want

  "Gestapo : Instrument of Tyranny" by Edward Crankshaw, (p. 103), 1956.

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• It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone’s expense.

  Richard Kalvar

  Expenses

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• Nobody was perfect. Not even close. And everybody had wrinkles from smiling and squinting and craining their necks. Everybody has marks on their bodies from years of living- a trail of life left on them. Evidence of all the adventures and sleepless nights and practical jokes and heartbreaks that had made them who they are.

  Katherine Center

  Smile, Heartbreak, Adventure

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• Sometimes my colleagues joke and call me Hannah.

  Hanoi Hannah

  Sometimes, Call Me, Colleagues

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• Bettman is an asshole. A frikkin asshole. I think he's ruined the game of hockey. He's supposed to be impartial. He's supposed to speak for the good of the league, but in my opinion, he's strictly behind the owners. Those 1996 rule changes are a joke

  Bob Probert

  Hockey, Thinking, Games

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