Jokes Quotes - Page 40

• We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to be cremated." I said, "Alright, get your coat."

  Dave Spikey

  Mother, Blue, Law

  8 Copy quote

• My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog.

  Gary Delaney

  Mother, Dog, Mean

  9 Copy quote

• The repeat run of Fawlty Towers (BBC2) drew bigger audiences than ever and deservedly so. Statistical surveys reveal that only the television critic of the Spectator is incapable of seeing the joke, which is that Basil Fawlty has the wrong temperament to be a hotel proprietor, just as some other people have the wrong temperament to be television critics.

  Clive James

  Running, People, Television

  Clive James (2017). “Glued To The Box”, p.127, Pan Macmillan

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Vegetables, Stupidity, Cooking

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• I always thought of Levittown as a joke.

  Bill Griffith

  4 Copy quote

• John's relationship with each of the other Beatles was different. He was at his most relaxed with Ringo, who often had him in stitches with his jokes.

  Cynthia Lennon

  Stitches, Ringo, Relaxed

  "John".

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out

  Jack Youngblood

  Work, Kids, Work Out

  4 Copy quote

• We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.

  Brendon Urie

  Sarcastic, Real, Mean

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  127 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.

  Garrison Keillor

  Inspirational, Math, Needs

  24 Copy quote

• He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

  Georg Brandes

  Doe, Danish

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• The only rule was that the stuff had to be funny and pretty short. To me, the quintessential Army Man joke was one of John Swartzwelder's: 'They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes good?' It's a horrifying idea juxtaposed with something really banal-and yet there's a kind of logic to it. It's illuminating because it's kind of how Americans see things: Life's a big jumble, but somehow it leads to something I can consume. I love that.

  George Meyer

  Coffee, Army, Men

  6 Copy quote

• I’ve never taken time off from being an actor. This is the kind of career I’d be so happy to do until I die. I always joke to myself that I want to have a postmortem Academy Award Nomination.

  Ansel Elgort

  Taken, Awards, Careers

  7 Copy quote

• At MakerBot, we joke that if we were engineers we would still be on our first prototype. There's something about just 'Doing it”iteration is a way of engineering.

  Bre Pettis

  Engineering, Way, Firsts

  4 Copy quote

• I'm not a man who constantly thinks up jokes.

  Pope Benedict XVI

  Men, Thinking

  Interview with German media, press.vatican.va. August 13, 2006.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• It stands to reason that we love chocolate cake because it is sweet. Guys go for girls like this because they are sexy. We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why.

  Daniel Dennett

  Cute, Girl, Sexy

  20 Copy quote

• I was just, you know, kind of getting racist jokes, kind of being isolated from the group. So it was definitely hard. I would come home at night and just cry my eyes out.

  Gabby Douglas

  Home, Eye, Night

  "Gabby Douglas' Interview With Oprah Winfrey Sparks Firestorm Online". www.hollywoodreporter.com. August 28, 2012.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

  Jim Bouton

  Girl, Cameras, Lenses

  11 Copy quote

• I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke

  Julian Clary

  Laughing, Thrill, Ends

  6 Copy quote

• There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

  Michael Scott

  Appropriate

  The Office Quotes @BestOfficeLines, twitter.com. November 24, 2015.

  5 Copy quote

  Show source

• I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

  Michael Scott

  Inside Jokes

  5 Copy quote

• Laughter is the only tenable attitude in a universe which is a joke played on itself.

  Peter J. Carroll

  Laughter, Attitude, Universe

  31 Copy quote

• You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Girlfriend, Scary

  47 Copy quote

• You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Sick, Freak

  "True Stories I Made Up". 2005.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life.

  Sarah

  Notebook, Looks, Comedy

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.

  Marian Wright Edelman

  Family, Racism, Role Models

  Marian Wright Edelman (2013). “The Measure of our Success: A Letter to My Children and Yours”, p.47, Beacon Press

  15 Copy quote

  Show source