I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus.
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
You better watch out You better not cry Better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.