Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
I'd...bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.
Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.
Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?...No, it's not...That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve.
People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?
What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?
I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'
We really are All One....this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
So, it's good to be here, wherever I am.
I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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