Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.

  Bill Hicks

  Who I Am, People

  7 Copy quote

• I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.

  Bill Hicks

  Thinking, Years, Smoking

  "Sane Man". Stand-up show, 1989.

  6 Copy quote

• I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting.

  Bill Hicks

  Sorry, Government, Talking

  9 Copy quote

• The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  7 Copy quote

• I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it. I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here.

  Bill Hicks

  Jesus, Lying, Sarcasm

  6 Copy quote

• I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

  Bill Hicks

  Real, Believe, Ideas

  6 Copy quote

• People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'

  Bill Hicks

  People, Phrases, Shotguns

  9 Copy quote

• We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?

  Bill Hicks

  Country, Hazards, Nuclear

  4 Copy quote

• I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.

  Bill Hicks

  Jesus, Easter, Kings

  "Filling Up the Hump". Audio bootleg, 1993.

  9 Copy quote

• If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

  Bill Hicks

  War, Numbers, Alcohol

  9 Copy quote

• This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

  Bill Hicks

  Children, Ideas, America

  8 Copy quote

• I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.

  Bill Hicks

  Believe, Cost, Pay

  Bill Hicks (2009). “Love All the People (New Edition)”, p.35, Hachette UK

  6 Copy quote

• I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Average

  43 Copy quote

• It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.

  Bill Hicks

  Oxygen, Iron, People

  4 Copy quote

• I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy.

  Bill Hicks

  Giving Up, Bad Relationship, Drug

  6 Copy quote

• I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

  Bill Hicks

  Believe, Writing, Heart

  7 Copy quote

• Marijuana grows naturally...Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural?

  Bill Hicks

  Marijuana, Thinking, Law

  5 Copy quote

• We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.

  Bill Hicks

  Thinking, People, Baghdad

  7 Copy quote

• I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first: Iraq: 150,000, USA: 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, "I did it! Hey!"

  Bill Hicks

  Mean, Usa, Iraq

  "Bill Hicks: Relentless". Documentary, Comedy, 1992.

  8 Copy quote

• On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

  Bill Hicks

  People, Theft, Materials

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale'... what a great country we live in. DIRT for sale. How would you like to get inside that guy's mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn't he?

  Bill Hicks

  Country, Opportunity, Guy

  "Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

  7 Copy quote

• But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

  Bill Hicks

  Sex, Miracle, Wonderful

  9 Copy quote

• BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.

  Bill Hicks

  Book, Phones, Stupidity

  8 Copy quote

• Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.

  Bill Hicks

  Cancer, Heart, Redneck

  7 Copy quote

• Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.

  Bill Hicks

  Sleep, Ready, Dies

  Bill Hicks (2009). “Love All the People (New Edition)”, p.99, Hachette UK

  6 Copy quote

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