Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 3

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I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

Bill Hicks

Funny, Humor, Revolutionary Ideas

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I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Bill Hicks

Funny, War, Humor

Bill Hicks at the "Just For Laughs" Comedy Festival in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, 1990.

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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

Bill Hicks

Ideas, Revolutionary Ideas, Next

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If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

Bill Hicks

Funny, Block, Humor

"Post-Sachsgate, standups should channel Bill Hicks" by Bruce Dessau, www.theguardian.com. January 30, 2010.

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I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.

Bill Hicks

Artist, Perception, Western Culture

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People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

Bill Hicks

Funny, Humor, Night

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That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

Bill Hicks

Depressing, Alabama, Facts

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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great

Bill Hicks

Drug

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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.

Bill Hicks

Believe, Drug, Growing

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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.

Bill Hicks

Believe, Order, Purpose

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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Bill Hicks

Funny, Life, Humor

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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.

Bill Hicks

Lying, Government, Talking

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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.

Bill Hicks

Sound, Causes, Tvs

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Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

Bill Hicks

Stupid, Government, America

"Rant in E-Minor". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1997.

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I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

Bill Hicks

Light, Mind, Source

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The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.

Bill Hicks

War, Home, Night

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I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

Bill Hicks

Years, Clubs, Idiot

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The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a... waffle waitress.

Bill Hicks

Book, Reading, Waffles

"Dangerous". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1990.

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I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.

Bill Hicks

Christian, Believe, People

"Bill Hicks: Relentless", www.imdb.com. 1992.

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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.

Bill Hicks

Jesus, Real, Smoking

"Bill Hicks: Revelations". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 1993.

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Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.

Bill Hicks

Jail, People, Sick

"Rant in E-Minor". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1997.

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What does an atheist scream when they come?

Bill Hicks

Atheist, Doe, Scream

"Bill Hicks: Relentless". Documentary, Comedy, 1992.

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To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.

Bill Hicks

America, People, Weapons

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I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero - that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.

Bill Hicks

Dream, Hero, Heart

"Bill Hicks: Revelations". Documentary, Comedy, 1993.

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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Bill Hicks

Funny, Humor, Two

"Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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Born: December 16, 1961
Died: February 26, 1994
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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