Bill Hicks Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?

  Bill Hicks

  Jobs, People, Vote

  "Shock and Awe". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 2003.

  40 Copy quote

• If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Block, Humor

  "Post-Sachsgate, standups should channel Bill Hicks" by Bruce Dessau, www.theguardian.com. January 30, 2010.

  37 Copy quote

• People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Night

  62 Copy quote

• Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um - they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

  Bill Hicks

  Revolutionary Ideas, Church, Thumbs

  "Filling Up the Hump". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1993.

  21 Copy quote

• Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

  Bill Hicks

  Ideas, Revolutionary Ideas, Next

  37 Copy quote

• Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.

  Bill Hicks

  Nuts, Plot, Keith

  "Love All the People".

  14 Copy quote

• That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

  Bill Hicks

  Depressing, Alabama, Facts

  19 Copy quote

• I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Revolutionary Ideas

  12 Copy quote

• I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, War, Humor

  Bill Hicks at the "Just For Laughs" Comedy Festival in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, 1990.

  30 Copy quote

• We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Life, Humor

  32 Copy quote

• I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.

  Bill Hicks

  Artist, Perception, Western Culture

  13 Copy quote

• not all drugs are good.. some of them are great

  Bill Hicks

  Drug

  10 Copy quote

• The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

  Bill Hicks

  Eye, Eyes Of Love

  "Love All the People".

  20 Copy quote

• I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Humor, Mean

  13 Copy quote

• Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

  Bill Hicks

  Stupid, Government, America

  "Rant in E-Minor". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1997.

  20 Copy quote

• I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.

  Bill Hicks

  Lying, Government, Talking

  9 Copy quote

• Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.

  Bill Hicks

  Sound, Causes, Tvs

  13 Copy quote

• I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

  Bill Hicks

  Years, Clubs, Idiot

  27 Copy quote

• The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a... waffle waitress.

  Bill Hicks

  Book, Reading, Waffles

  "Dangerous". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1990.

  35 Copy quote

• It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.

  Bill Hicks

  Jesus, Real, Smoking

  "Bill Hicks: Revelations". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 1993.

  24 Copy quote

• I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

  Bill Hicks

  Light, Mind, Source

  10 Copy quote

• Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick--'You hate this country'....I have to tell him...I just hate being lied to.

  Bill Hicks

  Country, Dad, Hate

  9 Copy quote

• The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.

  Bill Hicks

  War, Home, Night

  9 Copy quote

• I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero - that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.

  Bill Hicks

  Dream, Hero, Heart

  "Bill Hicks: Revelations". Documentary, Comedy, 1993.

  35 Copy quote

• Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.

  Bill Hicks

  Jail, People, Sick

  "Rant in E-Minor". Comedy album by Bill Hicks, 1997.

  22 Copy quote

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