I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are
People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.
To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
God has this...hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.
A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.
It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
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