Funny Diet Quotes

• My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

  Orson Welles

  Food, Health, Weight Loss

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Inspirational Life

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.9, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

  Bob Hope

  Good Friend, Weight Loss, Dieting

  47 Copy quote

• I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

  Shelley Winters

  Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Weight Loss

  10 Copy quote

• I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

  Dolly Parton

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  5 Copy quote

• Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.

  Cathy Hopkins

  Death, Drinking, Beer

  Cathy Hopkins (2007). “Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats”, p.13, Bonnier Publishing Fiction Ltd.

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• The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

  Julia Child

  Funny, Food, Vegetables

  99 Copy quote

• The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

  Andy Rooney

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  Andrew A. Rooney (2010). “Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit”, p.210, PublicAffairs

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• When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.

  Janette Barber

  Funny Food, Dieting, Cookies

  13 Copy quote

• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  Barbara Johnson

  Food, Weight Loss, Dessert First

  Barbara Johnson (2000). “Leaking Laffs Between Pampers and Depends”, p.67, Thomas Nelson Inc

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• 

  No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Running, Loss, Office

  143 Copy quote

• The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

  Jackie Gleason

  Funny, Inspiring, Food

  114 Copy quote

• A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

  Hermione Gingold

  Funny, Life, Loss

  12 Copy quote

• I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

  Mae West

  Food, Humor, Sassy

  "The wit and wisdom of Mae West".

  35 Copy quote

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• I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

  Jean Kerr

  Inspirational, Travel, Airplane

  JEAN KERR (1960). “THE SNAKE HAS ALL THE LINES”

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• Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Life, Witty

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Apr 13, 2010

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• I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

  Totie Fields

  Drinking, Failure, Food

  50 Copy quote
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  Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

  Kate Moss

  Fashion, Size Zero, Taste

  "Kate Moss's motto gives comfort to 'pro-anorexic' community" by Alexandra Topping, www.theguardian.com. November 20, 2009.

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• In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

  Erma Bombeck

  Loss, Two, Pounds

  100 Copy quote

• My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.

  Harry Secombe

  Loss, Advice, Dieting

  47 Copy quote

• If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

  Jim Eason

  Inspirational, Motivational, Birthday

  42 Copy quote

• My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

  Henny Youngman

  Weight Loss, Light, Wife

  14 Copy quote

• Pasta doesn't make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat.

  Giada De Laurentiis

  Dieting, Pasta, Fats

  "Giada De Laurentiis' slim-cooking secrets". Interview with Alison Prato, www.health.com. February 4, 2013.

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• Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'

  Dave Barry

  Exercise, Snickers, Tiny

  Dave Barry (1999). “Dave Barry Turns 50”, Random House Digital, Inc.

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• One should eat to live, not live to eat.

  Moliere

  Inspiring, Food, Weight Loss

  1668 L' Avare, act 3, sc.1.

  9 Copy quote

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