My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.
I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.
Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Pasta doesn't make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat.
Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'
One should eat to live, not live to eat.
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