Funny Diet Quotes

• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

  Bob Hope

  Good Friend, Weight Loss, Dieting

  58 Copy quote

• Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.

  Cathy Hopkins

  Death, Drinking, Beer

  Cathy Hopkins (2007). “Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats”, p.13, Bonnier Publishing Fiction Ltd.

  9 Copy quote

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• I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

  Shelley Winters

  Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Weight Loss

  14 Copy quote

• My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

  Orson Welles

  Food, Health, Weight Loss

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  83 Copy quote

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• I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

  Dolly Parton

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  8 Copy quote

• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Inspirational Life

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.9, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  206 Copy quote

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• When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.

  Janette Barber

  Funny Food, Dieting, Cookies

  16 Copy quote
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  No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Running, Loss, Office

  153 Copy quote

• The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

  Julia Child

  Funny, Food, Vegetables

  104 Copy quote

• The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

  Andy Rooney

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  Andrew A. Rooney (2010). “Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit”, p.210, PublicAffairs

  8 Copy quote

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• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  Barbara Johnson

  Food, Weight Loss, Dessert First

  Barbara Johnson (2000). “Leaking Laffs Between Pampers and Depends”, p.67, Thomas Nelson Inc

  47 Copy quote

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• The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

  Jackie Gleason

  Funny, Inspiring, Food

  118 Copy quote

• Pasta doesn't make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat.

  Giada De Laurentiis

  Dieting, Pasta, Fats

  "Giada De Laurentiis' slim-cooking secrets". Interview with Alison Prato, www.health.com. February 4, 2013.

  103 Copy quote

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• A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

  Hermione Gingold

  Funny, Life, Loss

  15 Copy quote

• I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

  Mae West

  Food, Humor, Sassy

  "The wit and wisdom of Mae West".

  41 Copy quote

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• Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Life, Witty

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Apr 13, 2010

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• I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

  Totie Fields

  Drinking, Failure, Food

  53 Copy quote

• I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

  Jean Kerr

  Inspirational, Travel, Airplane

  JEAN KERR (1960). “THE SNAKE HAS ALL THE LINES”

  18 Copy quote

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• That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

  Bob Hope

  Golf, Weight Loss, Dieting

  7 Copy quote

• The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

  Andy Rooney

  Book, Loss, Dieting

  8 Copy quote

• An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

  Irv Kupcinet

  Thanksgiving, Optimistic, Turkeys

  48 Copy quote

• Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Drinking, Beer, Weight Loss

  "Cat's Cradle". Book by Kurt Vonnegut, 1963.

  16 Copy quote

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• In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

  Erma Bombeck

  Loss, Two, Pounds

  106 Copy quote
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  Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

  Jim Davis

  Thanksgiving, Food, Zucchini

  Jim Davis (2012). “Garfield Eats His Heart Out: His 6th Book”, p.4, Ballantine Group

  102 Copy quote

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• It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

  Roseanne Barr

  Being Happy, Food, Weight Loss

  8 Copy quote