Funny Diet Quotes

• I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

  Dolly Parton

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  5 Copy quote

• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Inspirational Life

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.9, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  153 Copy quote

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• I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

  Shelley Winters

  Funny Inspirational, Humorous, Weight Loss

  9 Copy quote

• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

  Bob Hope

  Good Friend, Weight Loss, Dieting

  42 Copy quote

• When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.

  Janette Barber

  Funny Food, Dieting, Cookies

  13 Copy quote

• I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

  Totie Fields

  Drinking, Failure, Food

  50 Copy quote

• Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Drinking, Beer, Weight Loss

  "Cat's Cradle". Book by Kurt Vonnegut, 1963.

  13 Copy quote

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• The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

  Andy Rooney

  Book, Loss, Dieting

  5 Copy quote

• Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.

  Cathy Hopkins

  Death, Drinking, Beer

  Cathy Hopkins (2007). “Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats”, p.13, Bonnier Publishing Fiction Ltd.

  5 Copy quote

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• If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.

  Jean Kerr

  Funny Inspirational, Food, Loss

  Jean Kerr (1959). “Please Don't Eat the Daisies”

  10 Copy quote

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• In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

  Erma Bombeck

  Loss, Two, Pounds

  99 Copy quote

• That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

  Bob Hope

  Golf, Weight Loss, Dieting

  4 Copy quote

• The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

  Jackie Gleason

  Funny, Inspiring, Food

  114 Copy quote

• Eat as much as you like-just don't swallow it.

  Steve Burns

  Food, Cooking, Dieting

  4 Copy quote

• One should eat to live, not live to eat.

  Moliere

  Inspiring, Food, Weight Loss

  1668 L' Avare, act 3, sc.1.

  8 Copy quote

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• My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

  Henny Youngman

  Weight Loss, Light, Wife

  14 Copy quote

• A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

  Hermione Gingold

  Funny, Life, Loss

  12 Copy quote

• Once you have to start counting calories, it takes away from the joy of eating.

  Mireille Guiliano

  Joy, Dieting, Eating

  5 Copy quote

• The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

  Andy Rooney

  Funny, Fitness, Book

  Andrew A. Rooney (2010). “Andy Rooney: 60 Years of Wisdom and Wit”, p.210, PublicAffairs

  4 Copy quote

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• If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

  Jim Eason

  Inspirational, Motivational, Birthday

  41 Copy quote

• Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

  Elizabeth Berg

  Loss, Taste, Feels

  Elizabeth Berg (2008). “The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted: And Other Small Acts of Liberation”, p.137, Random House

  11 Copy quote

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• The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

  Julia Child

  Funny, Food, Vegetables

  96 Copy quote
• 

  Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

  Kate Moss

  Fashion, Size Zero, Taste

  "Kate Moss's motto gives comfort to 'pro-anorexic' community" by Alexandra Topping, www.theguardian.com. November 20, 2009.

  64 Copy quote

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• I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

  Jean Kerr

  Inspirational, Travel, Airplane

  JEAN KERR (1960). “THE SNAKE HAS ALL THE LINES”

  15 Copy quote

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• When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

  Woody Allen

  Honesty, Weight Loss, Humanity

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

  5 Copy quote

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