Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?
Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
Every time a fellow golfer gives me a piece of advice I have thought about it. A different thing is that this advice can be introduced into my golfing routine.
Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot.
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.
Do not be tempted to invest in a sample of each golfing invention as soon as it makes its appearance. If you do, you will only complicate and spoil your game - and encumber your locker with useless rubbish.
Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.
Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.
When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal.
Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don't you?
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.
They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.
The harder you work, the luckier you become.
My father's saying, The harder you work, the luckier you get.
Golf is a game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
Golf is a spiritual game. It's like Zen. You have to let your mind take over.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
The better your attitude and the harder you work, the luckier you get.
On golfer Rory McIlroy's collapse in the final round of the 2011 Masters: We had hoped to compare the young Northern Irishman to the great Masters champions but instead had to reach for the compendium of great golfing train wrecks.
I am a proud product of Irish golf and the Golfing Union of Ireland and am hugely honoured to have come from very rich Irish sporting roots I am also a proud Ulsterman who grew up in Northern Ireland. That is my background and always will be.
Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.
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