Jokes Quotes - Page 20

• If people ask me about it, I think it would be great for me to be like, 'Look, [Kanye West] called me and told me the line before it came out. Like, joke's on you guys, we're fine'.

  Taylor Swift

  Thinking, People, Guy

  Source: www.dailymail.co.uk

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• You can make jokes but [ George Clooney] is everything that anyone's ever said about him.

  John Krasinski

  Said

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• R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn't speak actual words, his jokes don't land. It's really a hindrance. And the same with BB-8. But Artoo is a lot stronger.

  Alan Tudyk

  Thinking, Land, Stronger

  "Alan Tudyk on making Moana's chicken noises and his fear of becoming Rogue One's Jar Jar". Interview with Esther Zuckerman, film.avclub.com. December 7, 2016.

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• I like to respond with jokes and to keep it as light as possible.

  Margaret Cho

  Light

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

  George Michael

  Two, People, Guy

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• Occasionally you get that one person that says "I really like that one part of this joke" and you go, "Oh thank you that's my favorite part too." But no, in order for it to be authentic hopefully you have jokes that everyone can just get on board with and then you have a few things for yourself.

  John Mulaney

  Order, Boards, That One Person

  Source: uproxx.com

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• Musalia [Mudavadi] has a much weaker character in person than [Musikari] Kombo, and you know the joke about humble Luhya servants as cooks and watchmen...Anyway, jokes aside, Luhya disunity is a blessing for us and I would never have wanted it any other way.

  Raila Odinga

  Humble, Character, Blessing

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• I always thought it was important to overdeliver, and when I got one of my first jobs, writing jokes for Garry Shandling when he was hosting the Grammys, I stayed up all night and wrote a hundred jokes, and I thought, "I'm always going to be the person that gives them more than they requested, and that's why they'll want to keep me around."

  Judd Apatow

  Jobs, Writing, Night

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• Every joke is an experiment. When you sit, alone, and write a script, or just a joke, you really have no idea if it will succeed.

  Judd Apatow

  Writing, Ideas, Scripts

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• Comedy is what happens when you cross the dateline from the unbearable. Things become so unbearable they become a joke.

  Robyn Hitchcock

  Unbearable, Comedy, Crosses

  Source: www.washingtontimes.com

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• The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

  Dick Gregory

  Stuff, Knows

  "Talking to Dick Gregory: Comedy, Selma and Cosby". Interview with Christopher Borrelli, www.chicagotribune.com. April 10, 2015.

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• I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

  Jeff Ross

  I Can, My Own

  Source: www.npr.org

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• My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.

  Jeff Ross

  Hate, Kids, My Best Friend

  Source: www.npr.org

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• People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

  Jay Mohr

  People, One Liner, Bits

  Source: underthegunreview.net

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• You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell them to come to one of my shows.

  Jay Mohr

  Accusing Me, People, Thieves

  Source: underthegunreview.net

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• Kuwait - they live like kings. The poorest person in Kuwait, they live like kings. And yet, they're not paying. America makes it possible for them to sell their oil. Why aren't they paying us 25 percent of what they're making? It's a joke.

  Donald Trump

  Kings, Kuwait, Oil

  "Donald Trump Interview From Over 25 Years Ago On Running For President". Interview with Oprah Winfrey, lybio.net.

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• "My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back." It's kind of the perfect joke because it's a bait and switch.

  Gavin McInnes

  Perfect, Bait, Breastfeeding

  Source: thoughtcatalog.com

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• I got to draw shapes. I really like to draw funky, geometric shapes. And I got to use just different fonts and make a joke of how feminine it was, but it didn't even have people in it. To me, it was so exciting and interesting to do that for a while.

  David Rees

  Geometric Shapes, People, Interesting

  Source: therumpus.net

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• The reasons I never set out to do a talk show is they're formulaic. People come out, tell jokes and read questions. But that's not what I do, and we built the show around my skill set.

  Harry Connick, Jr.

  Skills, People, Reason

  Source: www.patheos.com

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• A lot of people would flee from what they think is award-show cheesiness, and I don't. I often joke that my speeches are very personal moments that play themselves out in front of billions of people.

  Tom Hanks

  Thinking, Play, Awards

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• My first lessons in comedy, how to construct a joke, I learned from Eileen Brennan, who had unbelievable timing.

  Rob Lowe

  Lessons, Firsts, Comedy

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old ones back because the fans love them.

  Gabriel Iglesias

  Fans, Half, Hours

  Source: goseetalk.com

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• The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked every formula, I have worked every equation, I have seen every club, I have seen every performance, I have seen every joke, I have studied, I have done my job. That's why I'm good. It's not because I got up one night and decided I wanted to tell some f - -ing jokes.

  Leslie Jones

  Jobs, Night, Done

  Source: w.espn.go.com

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• We're not going to have a wall [on Southern border] like now which is either non-existent or a joke.

  Donald Trump

  Wall, Southern, Borders

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

  Alison Jackson

  Thinking, People, Doe

  "Alison Jackson's best shot" by Leo Benedictus, www.theguardian.com. November 7, 2007.

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