Jokes Quotes - Page 25

• Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

  J. B. Smoove

  Believe, Writing, Challenges

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• When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it.

  J. B. Smoove

  People, Dying, Trying

  "That’s how he dooz it! One-on-One with Comedian JB Smoove". Interview with Sergio Mims, www.ebony.com. April 2, 2012.

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• Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything.

  Harlan Coben

  Children, Real, Heart

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• I end up feeling like a spy in the house of ethnicity, you know? Because people will talk around me as they would talk around the people in their cultural group. So I get to hear all the secrets and jokes and you know, I'm a part of every community because of the way I look.

  Sherman Alexie

  Ethnicity, People, House

  Source: www.truth-out.org

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• In montage's original form as photomontage, it is capable of striking effects and on occasion it can even become a powerful political weapon. Such effects arise from its technique of juxtaposing heterogeneous, unrelated pieces of reality torn from their context. A good photomontage has the same effect as a good joke.

  Gyorgy Lukacs

  Powerful, Reality, Political

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• I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made 'em up myself.

  Dolly Parton

  Ems, Made, Knows

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• A human being having a full emotional conversation with a dog is funny, innately. It's one of those things where you get in a scene and you always go for what is the best joke, and a talking dog for some reason, whatever he says, is hilarious." (about his role wiht a talking dog in the forthcoming MEN IN BLACK sequel.

  Will Smith

  Dog, Men, Emotional

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• I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

  Darren Hayes

  Emotional, Thinking, Play

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• He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on.

  Raven-Symone

  Nice, Men, Cameras

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• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Oh, you know something? I'm so far away from believing that it exists, and the only thing I know are jokes about it.

  Donald Sutherland

  Believe, Heaven, Far Away

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• When you making a piece of comedy entertainment, the audience is a big component there. You do have to end up getting rid of things that you love, but in the interest of making a movie that's not longer than two hours, and in the interest of when every joke hopefully is good enough, then everybody looks good. You cut things that you love, but ultimately it's for the greater good of making the whole movie better.

  Jason H. Moore

  Cutting, Two, Looks

  Source: collider.com

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• I got kind of scared when I thought they wanted me to do something... I didn't want to be naked on the front of a magazine unless everybody would know it was a joke. I wouldn't want to be naked even then.

  Dolly Parton

  Naked, Magazines, Want

  Source: blankonblank.org

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• Cubans joke and satirize everything that life gives them, and I think that's a positive characteristic.

  Fernando Perez

  Thinking, Giving, Cuban

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• Korean feminism has been swept away by popular culture. It became a sort of old-fashioned trend or a joke.

  Kim Hyesoon

  Feminism, Trends, Culture

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something.

  Jeff Beck

  Sound, Machines, Exciting

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• I really wouldn't censor myself. But because it was on such a slower scale, I would throw things out, and I indulged the personal stuff as little flashes of truth. Little in-jokes for anyone who was paying particular attention.

  John Hodgman

  Attention, Littles, Stuff

  Interview with Greg Hunter, therumpus.net. October 21, 2013.

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• All the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either [Satan] or God will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specially of each man.

  C. S. Lewis

  Running, Men, Long

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• I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

  Chris Rock

  School, Thinking, Rocks

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• I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.

  Paul Mooney

  People, Path, Traps

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• Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don't really have a problem with it. I don't quite know what people expect.

  Phil Collins

  People, Problem, British

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• Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

  Kathy Griffin

  Forgiving, Different, Clubs

  Interview with Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. February 11, 1998.

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• And I watch all the dailies and I grade the jokes or the moments, you know, on a scale from... so I know exactly what we have. And so I can then go into the editing room and be like "I want you to do this moment, this moment, this joke, that joke. I'd like to see 3 versions."

  Nicholas Stoller

  Editing, Watches, Want

  Source: collider.com

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• Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.

  Patton Oswalt

  Fire, Comedian, Sitting

  "Patton Oswalt: The ESQ&A". Interview with Scott Raab, www.esquire.com. March 19, 2013.

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• I can't stand not being able to joke around on set, so I have to.

  Johnny Depp

  Able, I Can

  "Johnny Depp on His Varied Career, Jack Sparrow, and “Torturing” Leonardo DiCaprio". collider.com. February 6, 2016.

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• It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Fun, Loss, Shoes

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