Jokes Quotes - Page 28

• My life is passed in making bad jokes and seeing them turn into true prophecies.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Life Is, Bad Jokes, Prophecy

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• On Monday they went out for a private picnic. On Tuesday they went for a carriage drive. On Wednesday they went to pick bluebells. On Thursday they fished at the lake, returning with damp clothes and sun-glazed complexions, laughing together at a joke they didn't share with anyone else. On Friday they danced together at an impromptu musical evening, looking so well matched one of the guests remarked it was a pleasure to watch them. On Saturday Matthew woke up wanting to murder someone.

  Lisa Kleypas

  Friday, Monday, Clothes

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• The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Children, Adults, Way

  Kurt Vonnegut (2011). “A Man Without a Country”, p.1, Seven Stories Press

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• Women don't have a sense of humor. They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From which one may logically deduce tha the Almighty is a female.

  Loretta Chase

  Men, Female, Needs

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• I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes.

  Khaled Hosseini

  War, Robots, Mars

  Khaled Hosseini (2010). “The Complete Khaled Hosseini: Digital box set”, p.122, A&C Black

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• Now, what does a vampire do with a computer? Keep track of investments? Send e-mail to other vampires as you all plot to take over the world?” “I spend a lot of time on Wikipedia making corrections to the entries of historical figures I’ve known.” I blinked at him. “Really?” “No, Kitty. That was a joke.

  Carrie Vaughn

  Track, Historical, Vampire

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• My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just imagine, in a mere two years you’re at a profit.” “How I adore a woman who does mathematics in her head.” “I can forge signatures as well.” “Splendid. Exactly the bride I’ve been hoping for.

  Shana Abe

  Years, Two, Signatures

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• … that sour blend of loneliness and lust for recognition, shyness and extravagance, deep insecurity and self-intoxicated egomania, that drives poets and writers out of their rooms to seek each other out, to rub shoulders with one another, bully, joke, condescend, feel each other, lay a hand on a shoulder or an arm round a waist, to chat and argue with little nudges, to spy a little, sniff out what is cooking in other pots, flatter, disagree, collude, be right, take offence, apologise, make amends, avoid each other, and seek each other’s company again.

  Amos Oz

  Loneliness, Self, Hands

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• As though all the world were a bad joke and she was the only one around who knew the punchline.

  Jack Ketchum

  World, Bad Jokes, Punchlines

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• (...) I don´t want a drink. I just want to know where am I? -You´re not in Kansas anymore!- Jake chuckled at his own joke.

  Alexandra Adornetto

  Kansas, Want, Jake

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• Sorrow comes with so many defense mechanisms. You have your shock, your denial, your getting wasted, your cracking jokes, and your religion. You also have the old standby catchall—the blind belief in fate, the whole "things happening for a reason" drill.

  Emily Giffin

  Fate, Blind Belief, Sorrow

  Emily Giffin (2010). “Baby Proof: A Novel”, p.49, Macmillan

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• You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

  Tina Fey

  Overthinking, Games, Let It Go

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.75, Hachette UK

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• The men loved jokes, though they had heard each one before. Jack's manner was persuasive; few of them had seen the old stories so well delivered. Jack himeself laughed a little, but he was able to see the effect his performance had on his audience. The noise of their laughter roared like the sea in his ears. He wanted it louder and louder; he wanted them to drown out the war with their laughter. If the could should loud enough, they might bring the world back to its senses; they might laugh loud enough to raise the dead.

  Sebastian Faulks

  Laughter, War, Men

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• Even in my revenge fantasy where all I do is exercise, I can still do only twenty-five pull-ups. Pull-ups are tough, no joke.

  Mindy Kaling

  Revenge, Exercise, Twenties

  Mindy Kaling (2011). “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)(Enhanced Edition)”, p.205, Crown/Archetype

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• A cowboy, a lawyer, and a mechanic watched Queen of the Damned,” I murmured. Warren—who had once, a long time ago, been a cowboy—snickered and wiggled his bare feet. “It could be the beginning of either a bad joke or a horror story.” “No,” said Kyle, the lawyer, whose head was propped up on my thigh. “If you want a horror story, you have to start out with a werewolf, his gorgeous lover, and a walker.

  Patricia Briggs

  Queens, Cowboy, Horror Stories

  Patricia Briggs (2011). “The Mercy Thompson Collection”, p.641, Penguin

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• What a joke! Poor little rich girl's fallen in love with the Republic's most famous criminal.

  Marie Lu

  Girl, Criminals, Republic

  Marie Lu (2011). “Legend”, p.181, Penguin

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• You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes.

  David Nicholls

  Thinking, World, Language

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• You make a joke out of everything. Life’s too painful not to.

  Richelle Mead

  Painful

  Richelle Mead (2012). “Richelle Mead Dark Swan Bundle: Storm Born, Thorn Queen, Iron Crowned & Shadow Heir”, p.326, Zebra Books

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• It was one of God's jokes that such a dumb mind had been put in such an eloquent body.

  Charlaine Harris

  Dumb, Lust, Mind

  Charlaine Harris (2001). “Dead Until Dark: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel”, p.64, Penguin

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• Whenever I'm sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!

  Justin Bieber

  Doctors, Sick, Fever

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• Sometimes I feel that I am destined always to be offstage whenever the main action occurs. That God has made me the victim of some cosmic practical joke, by assigning me little more than a walk-on part in my own life. Or sometimes I feel that my role is simply to be a spectator to other people's stories, and always to wander away at the most important moment, drifiting into the kitchen to make a cup of tea just as the denouement unfolds.

  Jonathan Coe

  People, Kitchen, Tea

  Jonathan Coe (2001). “The rotters' club”

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• Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem

  Suzanne Collins

  Arena, Hunger, Trouble

  Suzanne Collins (2013). “The Hunger Games Complete Trilogy”, p.246, Scholastic UK

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• They make a fuss about Hogsmeade, but I assure you, Harry, it's not all it's cracked up to be. All right, the sweetshop's rather good, and Zonko's Joke Shop's frankly dangerous, and yes, the Shrieking Shack is always worth a visit, but really, Harry, apart from that, you're not missing anything.

  J. K. Rowling

  Missing, Shack, Dangerous

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• We are all susceptible to the pull of viral ideas. Like mass hysteria. Or a tune that gets into your head that you keep humming all day until you spread it to someone else. Jokes. Urban legends. Crackpot religions. Marxism. No matter how smart we get, there is always this deep irrational part that makes us potential hosts for self-replicating information.

  Neal Stephenson

  Smart, Urban Legends, Self

  "Snow Crash". Book by Neal Stephenson, 1992.

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• Finnick:" Good to see you, Peeta." Peeta:" You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you." It could be a joke, if the tone wasn't so cold. Everything it conveys is wrong. The open distrust of Finnick, the implication that Peeta has his eye on Annie, that Annie could desert Finnick, that I do not even exist. Finnick:"Oh Peeta," says Finnick lightly. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart.

  Suzanne Collins

  Sorry, Nice, Heart

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