Liquor Funny Quotes

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

  32 Copy quote

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

  Crazy, Drinking, Reading

  Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994

  101 Copy quote

  Show source

• The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

  William Butler Yeats

  Drinking, Food, Humor

  30 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  65 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  51 Copy quote

  Show source

• Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

  Dudley Moore

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  19 Copy quote
• 

  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  172 Copy quote

• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

  Drew Carey

  Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs

  47 Copy quote

• I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

  John Huston

  God, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  23 Copy quote

  Show source

• It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.

  Thomas de Quincey

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Thomas De Quincey (1841). “Confessions of an English Opium-eater: Being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar”, p.89

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

  Stonewall Jackson

  Drinking, Food, Alcohol

  Quoted by William Jones in The Life and Letters of Robert Edward Lee, Soldier and Man p. 443

  61 Copy quote

  Show source

• One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

  James Thurber

  Drinking, Beer, Two

  32 Copy quote

• I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before.

  Truman Capote

  Drinking, Thinking, Drunk

  "Fictional character: Paul "Fred" Varjak". "Breakfast at Tiffany's", 1961.

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

  Graham Greene

  Lying, Drinking, Wine

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• No poems can please long or live that are written by water drinkers.

  Horace

  Food, Water, Long

  8 Copy quote

• No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Drinking, Beer, Animal

  All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.58, BookBaby

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

  Graham Greene

  Truth, Lying, Drinking

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.

  H. L. Mencken

  Drinking, Men, Wind

  H. L. MENCKEN (1924). “PREJUDICES FOURTH SERIES”

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humor, Water

  7 Copy quote

• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

  Phyllis Diller

  Falling In Love, Drinking, Alcohol

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

  Seneca the Younger

  Drinking, Alcohol, Madness

  "Moral Letters to Lucilius (Letter LXXXIII)". Book by Seneca the Younger, 1920.

  102 Copy quote

  Show source

• If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.

  Joseph M. Schenck

  Lying, Drinking, Drunk

  9 Copy quote

• No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

  John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough

  Drinking, Book, Fighting

  20 Copy quote