Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends