Sarcastic Quotes - Page 18

• In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.

  Mark Twain

  Jobs, Real, World

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• ...Never tell a ticket agent, "As a matter of fact, I DID accept items from persons unknown to me! A nice man in a chadar gave me this awesome luggage freshener with a clock attached!" Federal regulations require them to have no idea you're joking as they riddle your body with bullets.

  Seanbaby

  Nice, Men, Ideas

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• My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

  Emily Deschanel

  Whole Family, Jokes, Very Sarcastic

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• On whether Blurred Lines' video is sexist: I don't. I really appreciate the people who watch out for that stuff, and I'm sensitive to those sort of things. On the surface level, the naked women dancing, I understand that can be perceived that way. But we're directed to have a sort of confidence, a sarcastic attitude about the whole situation.

  Emily Ratajkowski

  Attitude, Appreciate, Dancing

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• Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Success, Sarcasm

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• Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

  Mark Twain

  Sarcasm, Knowing, Patriotism

  Mark Twain, Louis J. Budd (1992). “Collected tales, sketches, speeches, & essays: 1891-1910”

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• Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

  Mark Twain

  Sarcasm, Stubborn, Statistics

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• If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

  Peter Ustinov

  Future, Sarcasm, Blow

  "Ustinov's comic touch". BBC obituary, news.bbc.co.uk. March 29, 2004.

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• Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

  Bill Vaughan

  Fitness, Sarcasm, Lasts

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• Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

  Gore Vidal

  Book, Writing, Sarcasm

  FaceBook post by Gore Vidal from Nov 18, 2010

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• It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Looks

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

  Mae West

  Relationship, Confidence, Witty

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

  Mae West

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

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• The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

  Mae West

  Inspirational, Witty, Humorous

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Sassy

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• I've been things and seen places.

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous

  I'm No Angel (motion picture) (1933)

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• My son Cooper has just turned ten and the sarcasm fairy has already started to take up residence inside his body. Not only am I living with my mother - again! - but I've also got her mini-me to contend with.

  Melissa Rivers

  Mother, Sarcasm, Son

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• very funny my sarcastic friend

  Cassandra Clare

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• This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.

  Tina Fey

  Girl, Boys, College

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• A nasty letter or a sarcastic one can make you righteously angry, but what can you do about a polite letter of rejection? Nothing, really, except cry.

  E. L. Konigsburg

  Rejection, Letters, Nasty

  E.L. Konigsburg (2015). “From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler”, p.79, Pushkin Press

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• The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

  John Green

  Fall, Winter, Snow

  John Green (2015). “Looking For Alaska Special 10th Anniversary Edition”, p.74, Penguin

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• Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Beautiful, Jealousy

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• diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Country, Art, Lying

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.47, 谷月社

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• It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

  Laura Kightlinger

  New Year, Funny Valentines Day, Love You

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