Sarcastic Quotes - Page 27

• Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

  Robert Benchley

  Inspirational, Funny, Educational

  "With Truth as Our Sword". Book by C. E. Sylvester, February 2005.

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• Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Patience, Virtue, Form

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• A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

  George W. Bush

  Funny, Would Be, Easier

  "Bush Gives on Patients Bill, But Democrats Want More" by Robert Pear, www.nytimes.com. July 27, 2001.

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• They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

  Clint Eastwood

  Funny, Heaven, Confusing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway.

  Eminem

  Funny, People, Mind

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• I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?

  Eminem

  Funny, Beauty, Stupid

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• Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

  William Feather

  Good Morning, Sarcasm, Isolation

  William Feather (1949). “The Business of Life”

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• Instant gratification takes too long.

  Carrie Fisher

  Women, Humor, Sarcasm

  Carrie Fisher (2011). “Postcards From the Edge”, p.58, Simon and Schuster

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• You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

  Carrie Fisher

  Fake People, Sarcasm, Entertainment

  Carrie Fisher (2011). “Postcards From the Edge”, p.83, Simon and Schuster

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• Sarcasm doesn't translate in print at all.

  Megan Fox

  Sarcasm, Print, Translate

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

  Mahatma Gandhi

  Funny, Spiritual, Thinking

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• 'Therefore' is a word the poet must not know.

  Andre Gide

  Poetry, Poetic, Knows

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• We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  Funny, Teaching, Deception

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1982). “Wilhelm Meister's Years of Travel or the Renunciants”, Riverrun Pr

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• Oh, my, yes. I was raised in this Southern culture where if a guy was sarcastic, that just meant he didn't know how to show his love - but secretly he cared! I completely bought that. The men I chased and the things I put up with - it was criminal.

  Ginnifer Goodwin

  Men, Southern, Guy

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

  Alfred Hitchcock

  Funny, Acting, Actors

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• There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

  Alfred Hitchcock

  Football, Sarcasm, Games

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• You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

  Eddie Izzard

  Herbs

  "Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill". Documentary, Comedy, 1998.

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• History is a kind of introduction to more interesting people than we can possibly meet in our restricted lives; let us not neglect the opportunity.

  Dexter Perkins

  Opportunity, People, History

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• You have delighted us long enough.

  Jane Austen

  Witty, Sarcasm, Long

  Pride and Prejudice ch. 18 (1813)

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• The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

  Dave Barry

  Baby, Sarcasm, Men

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• I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Sarcasm

  At night-club in Chicago, Mar. 1964, recorded on Woody Allen Volume Two (Colpix CP 488) side 1, band 6

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• His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

  Robin Williams

  Golf, Iron, Doe

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• No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.

  W. S. Gilbert

  Dirty, Thinking, Littles

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• Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.

  Mark Twain

  Somewhere Else, Advice, Household Chores

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.74, Courier Corporation

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• Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Law, Duty, Jury

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