Sarcastic Quotes - Page 28

• I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

  Alfred Hitchcock

  Funny, Acting, Actors

  21 Copy quote

• There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

  Alfred Hitchcock

  Football, Sarcasm, Games

  7 Copy quote

• Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Eye, Feelings

  7 Copy quote

• History is a kind of introduction to more interesting people than we can possibly meet in our restricted lives; let us not neglect the opportunity.

  Dexter Perkins

  Opportunity, People, History

  46 Copy quote

• The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.

  Madame de Stael

  Funny, Dog, Animal

  27 Copy quote

• Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.

  Laurell K. Hamilton

  Love, Valentines Day, Feel Good

  Laurell K. Hamilton (2011). “Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter collection 6-10”, p.1106, Penguin

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• If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!

  Eddie Izzard

  Funny, Block, Feet

  4 Copy quote

• You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

  Eddie Izzard

  Herbs

  "Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill". Documentary, Comedy, 1998.

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• If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen

  Jim Davis

  Funny, Long, Waiting

  18 Copy quote

• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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• I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

  Matt Groening

  Funny, Friendship, Sweet

  "The Simpsons/ The Old Man and the Lisa". Animation, Comedy, 1997.

  53 Copy quote

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• The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christian, Friday

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• Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  78 Copy quote

• The cat looked as if it were about to say something sarcastic. Then it flicked its whiskers and said, "Challenge her. There's no guarantee she'll play fair, but her kind of thing loves games and challenges.

  Neil Gaiman

  Cat, Games, Play

  Neil Gaiman (2012). “Coraline”, p.76, A&C Black

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• How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

  George Carlin

  Funny, God, Witty

  10 Copy quote

• How is it possible to have a civil war?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  9 Copy quote

• The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

  George Orwell

  Funny, Sarcasm, Successful

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• Character is what someone does, much more than who they are. I can be sarcastic or I can be fearful, but it doesn't really matter until there's a story - until someone comes in and holds us hostage.

  Mitchell Hurwitz

  Character, Doe, Stories

  Source: www.vulture.com

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• You have delighted us long enough.

  Jane Austen

  Witty, Sarcasm, Long

  Pride and Prejudice ch. 18 (1813)

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• The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

  Dave Barry

  Baby, Sarcasm, Men

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• I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Sarcasm

  At night-club in Chicago, Mar. 1964, recorded on Woody Allen Volume Two (Colpix CP 488) side 1, band 6

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• His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

  Robin Williams

  Golf, Iron, Doe

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• No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.

  W. S. Gilbert

  Dirty, Thinking, Littles

  41 Copy quote

• Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.

  Mark Twain

  Somewhere Else, Advice, Household Chores

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.74, Courier Corporation

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• Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Law, Duty, Jury

  18 Copy quote