Sarcastic Quotes - Page 37

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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1855 Copy quote

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• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  90 Copy quote

• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Confused

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

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• If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

  Thomas Carlyle

  Girl, Humorous, Kissing

  11 Copy quote

• It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Time, Not Giving Up

  58 Copy quote

• A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Laughter, War

  92 Copy quote

• If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

  Hillary Clinton

  Funny, Change, Beauty

  "The Hillary Clinton look: power hair, pantsuits and practicality" by Alyson Walsh, www.theguardian.com. April 15, 2015.

  54 Copy quote

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• Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

  Cyril Connolly

  Sarcasm, Intelligence, Promise

  Enemies of Promise ch. 13 (1938)

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• However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.

  Quentin Crisp

  Funny, Men, Police

  19 Copy quote

• America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.

  e. e. cummings

  Mistake, Moving, Usa

  1927 'Why I Like America', in Vanity Fair, May.

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  Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.

  Salvador Dali

  Funny, Music, Art

  150 Copy quote

• If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  Funny, Book, Writing

  9 Copy quote

• I am pretty sarcastic and pretty dry.

  Anneliese van der Pol

  Dry, I Am Pretty

  "EXCLUSIVE: Anneliese Van Der Pol Explains Why Vampires Suck!" by B. Alan Orange, movieweb.com. September 04, 2010.

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• The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

  J. Robert Oppenheimer

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  122 Copy quote

• I grew up in a family of ten. You had to have, like, a burst appendix to get the floor.... My brothers and sisters are very quick, intense, brilliant, very sarcastic people. And they were always right there with you, right there, missing not one little throat clearing.

  Mary Robison

  Brother, People, Missing

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• The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  834 Copy quote

• They are possibly the dumbest people on the planet... We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don't know about anything that's happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing.

  Michael Moore

  Country, Ignorance, People

  "The Awkward Conscience of a Nation". The Daily Mirror, November 3, 2003.

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• Scotland: That garret of the earth - that knuckle-end of England - that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

  Sydney Smith

  Scotland, Knuckles, England

  6 Copy quote

• He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.

  Sydney Smith

  Learning, Personality

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• He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.

  Earl Wilson

  Zips, Snobbish, Code

  10 Copy quote

• She never was really charming till she died.

  Terence

  Charming, Died

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• In order to know whether a human being is young or old, offer it food of different kinds at short intervals. If young, it will eat anything at any hour of the day or night.

  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

  Inspirational, Teenager, Night

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• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  Steven Wright

  Hurt, Feels, Conscience

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• Sarcasm is a Manchester trait.

  Peter Hook

  Sarcasm, Manchester, Traits

  Interview with Matt Cotterill, higher-frequency.com. April 15, 2006.

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• Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Children

  "Complaints and Grievances". Documentary, Comedy, 2001.

  65 Copy quote

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