Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm actually doing a show. From my shed. On the internet. But it won't be music or anything, it's more to do with drinking and smoking. It's an art piece.
Smoking and drinking too much is not the way to fitness. Love your body and treat it good.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Discouraging smoking and drinking is a left ideal.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Once you stop drinking and smoking and stuff, it really gets on your nerves, all that nonsense going on.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
I drink to make other people interesting.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
If the devil were to offer me a resurgence of what is commonly called virility, I'd decline. ''Just keep my liver and lungs in good working order,'' I'd reply, ''so I can go on drinking and smoking!''
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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