Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
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