Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I'm too drunk to taste this chicken
Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags. Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
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