The church is like manure. Pile it up, and it stinks up the neighborhood. Spread it out, and it enriches the world.
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys.
A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'for a man you're kind of ignorant'.
There is hardship in everything except eating pancakes.
If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.
Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana...You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard. We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't.
The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.
Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.
Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present
Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.
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