It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!" - Cassio (Act II, Scene iii)
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
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