Alcoholism Funny Quotes

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  Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

  Frank Sinatra

  Love, Bible, Sarcastic

  198 Copy quote

• I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

  Bette Midler

  Drinking, Drunk, Perspective

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  13 Copy quote

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• I always wake up at the crack of ice.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Ice, Alcohol

  8 Copy quote

• A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can't predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.

  Raymond Chandler

  Real, Drinking, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2002). “The Long Goodbye: A Novel”, p.169, Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

  17 Copy quote

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• The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help they have no hope.

  Russell Brand

  Drinking, Addiction, Alcohol

  "My life without drugs" by Russell Brand, www.theguardian.com. March 9, 2013.

  21 Copy quote

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• Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

  Craig Ferguson

  Money, Drinking, Heart

  11 Copy quote

• But I'm not a saint yet. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm homosexual. I'm a genius.

  Truman Capote

  Drinking, Alcohol, Drug

  Truman Capote (2012). “Music For Chameleons”, p.273, Vintage

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• I'm tired of hearing sin called sickness and alcoholism a disease. It is the only disease I know of that we're spending hundreds of millions of dollars a year to spread.

  Vance Havner

  Tired, Years, Alcohol

  20 Copy quote

• A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Men, Drunk, Alcohol

  10 Copy quote
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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  138 Copy quote

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• I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Believe, Fall, Drinking

  Abraham Lincoln (1989). “Abraham Lincoln: Speeches & Writings Part 1: 1832-1858: Library of America #45”, p.88, Library of America

  24 Copy quote

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• Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

  Lord Byron

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 2, st. 179

  43 Copy quote

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• Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

  Seneca the Younger

  Drinking, Alcohol, Liquor Funny

  "Moral Letters to Lucilius (Letter LXXXIII)". Book by Seneca the Younger, 1920.

  104 Copy quote

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• I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

  Noel Coward

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  34 Copy quote

• The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

  William Butler Yeats

  Drinking, Food, Humor

  32 Copy quote

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  Kinky Friedman

  Beauty, Philosophy, Drinking

  31 Copy quote

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

  35 Copy quote

• I drink to make other people interesting.

  George Jean Nathan

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  George Jean Nathan, Charles Angoff (1998). “The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary”, Hal Leonard Corporation

  26 Copy quote

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• Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

  Carl Jung

  Drinking, Recovery, Overcoming Addiction

  Memories, Dreams, Reflections ch. 12 (1962)

  107 Copy quote

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• I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

  Winston Churchill

  Military, Drinking, Taken

  In Quentin Reynolds By Quentin Reynolds (1964) ch. 11

  43 Copy quote

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• 

  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

  88 Copy quote

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• 

  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  121 Copy quote
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  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  Dean Martin

  Clever, Lying, Humorous

  In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

  216 Copy quote

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• One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

  Nancy Astor

  Time, Educational, Drinking

  27 Copy quote

• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

  150 Copy quote

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