No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.
I've only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.
The problem with the designated driver programme, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At then end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night
For a quart of ale is a dish for a king.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
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