Funny Beer Drinking Quotes

• If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

  Clement Freud

  Funny, Witty, Giving Up

  Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

  Dave Barry

  Fun, Drinking, Book

  "Vegetable Magnetism" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. March 17, 1991.

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• Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Dirty, Food

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• Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Food, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

  Nancy Astor

  Husband, Drinking, Beer

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  Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

  Frank Sinatra

  Love, Bible, Sarcastic

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  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

  Dave Moulton

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

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• I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Wisdom, Truth

  Abraham Lincoln (1999). “The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln: A Treasury of Quotations, Anecdotes, and Observations”, Gramercy

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• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

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• Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

  Edgar Allan Poe

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Edgar Allan Poe (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe (Illustrated)”, p.229, Delphi Classics

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• When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

  Brian O'Rourke

  Food, Fall, Drinking

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• No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

  John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough

  Drinking, Book, Fighting

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• Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Beer, Wife

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• For a quart of ale is a dish for a king.

  William Shakespeare

  Kings, Drinking, Beer

  'The Winter's Tale' (1610-1) act 4, sc. 2, l. 1

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• I drink to make other people interesting.

  George Jean Nathan

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  George Jean Nathan, Charles Angoff (1998). “The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary”, Hal Leonard Corporation

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Country, Real, Drinking

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

  Adolphus Busch

  Money, Humorous, Drinking

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• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

  Drew Carey

  Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs

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• I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

  Miguel de Cervantes

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1822). “The achievements of the ingenious gentleman, don Quixote de la Mancha. A tr. based on that of P.A. Motteux, with the memoir and notes of J.G. Lockhart”, p.258

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• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Reality

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• I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2014). “The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words”, p.87, Vintage

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• I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night

  Benjamin Franklin

  Morning, Beer, Night

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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