Humorous Quotes - Page 22

• This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.

  Wolfgang Pauli

  Witty, Insult, Mathematics

  "The Successful Toastmaster: A Treasure Chest of Introductions, Epigrams, Humor, and Quotations" by Herbert Victor Prochnow, (p. 350), 1966.

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• When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Marriage, Girl

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

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• If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

  Mark Twain

  Self Esteem, Compliments You, Pay

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• Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.

  George Farquhar

  Funny, Expression, Heaven

  'The Constant Couple' (1699) act 5, sc. 3

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• I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.

  Flann O'Brien

  Holiday, Horror, Recollection

  Flann O'Brien (1985). “Myles away from Dublin: being a selection from the column written for The Nationalist and Leinster times, Carlow, under the name of George Knowall”, Grafton

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• Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

  Doug Larson

  Inspirational, Funny, Children

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• In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

  William Prescott

  Inspirational, Funny, Patience

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• Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

  Ian Fleming

  Witty, Destiny, Political

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• It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

  Errol Flynn

  Funny, Leadership, Wisdom

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.

  Malcolm Forbes

  Office, Doubt, Paper

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• I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Eye, Men

  Mark Twain (2012). “Adventures of Tom Sawyer Companion”, p.41, BookCaps Study Guides

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• There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

  Flannery O'Connor

  Funny, Witty, Teacher

  Mystery and Manners: Occasional Prose "The Nature and Aims of Fiction" (1969)

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• Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.

  Suzanne Collins

  Catching Fire, Target, Underestimate

  Suzanne Collins (2010). “Catching Fire (The Second Book of the Hunger Games)”, p.387, Scholastic Inc.

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• She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Inspiration

  "Fictional character: Dr. Hackenbush". "A Day at the Races", www.imdb.com. 1937.

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• When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing.

  Harold Pinter

  Reality, Kind, Scholarship

  Harold Pinter (2015). “Death etc.”, p.66, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

  Al Bernstein

  Knowledge, Thinking, Guy

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• You see much more of your children once they leave home.

  Lucille Ball

  Funny, Witty, Children

  "The Last Word" by Carolyn Warner, (Ch. 16), 1992.

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• Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac )

  Seymour Cray

  Witty, Apples, Interesting

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• Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

  Dick Gregory

  Baseball, Men, White Man

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• The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact.

  Stephen Sondheim

  Marriage, Children, Together

  "The Little Things You Do Together" (song) (1970)

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• I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

  Woody Allen

  Witty, Ideas, Enthusiasm

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• Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange" James looked at me sternly, "Don't start that. I'm supposed to be the humorous one

  Maggie Stiefvater

  Iron, Haha, Strange

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• This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

  Christopher Moore

  Challenges, Stories, May

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• Character is what you are in the dark.

  Dwight L. Moody

  Inspiring, Inspirational Life, Character

  Attributed in "D.L. Moody" by William R. Moody, (p. 503), 1930.

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• After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

  Cato the Elder

  Life, Witty, Clever

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