When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
You never find yourself until you face the truth.
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
You have to love your children unselfishly. That's hard. But it's the only way.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems.
He would make a lovely corpse.
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
I like children - fried.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
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