Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty saying are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.
The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means.
I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes
I never said most of the things I said.
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
Enemies are so stimulating.
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
Whenever I start feeling too arrogant about myself, I always take a trip to the U.S. The immigration guys kick the star out of my stardom.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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