Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
Vote early and vote often.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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