Witty Quotes - Page 3

• Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

  Finley Peter Dunne

  Funny, Running, Fighting

  19 Copy quote

• Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

  Josh Billings

  Funny, Humorous, Men

  Josh Billings (1972). “Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day”

  12 Copy quote

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• The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

  Helen Hayes

  Funny, Life, Years

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes".

  28 Copy quote

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• A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Funny, Faith, Crazy

  "The Antichrist". Book by Friedrich Nietzsche, 1888.

  32 Copy quote

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• Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Positive, Birthday, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1722 Copy quote

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• I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Hilarious, Smart

  109 Copy quote

• Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

  Will Durant

  Change, Graduation, Education

  "Books: The Great Gadfly". "TIME" Magazine, October 8, 1965.

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• The covers of this book are too far apart.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Funny, Humorous, Book

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.3723, Delphi Classics

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• If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

  Alice Roosevelt Longworth

  Funny, Nice, Humorous

  126 Copy quote

• To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Life, Confidence

  "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" (1894)

  41 Copy quote

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  Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

  Carl Jung

  Funny, Depression, Crazy

  Quoted in the Observer, 19 Jul 1975.

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• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

  Earl Wilson

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  214 Copy quote

• Wit is educated insolence.

  Aristotle

  Inspirational, Humorous, Definitions

  Aristotle (1909). “The Rhetoric of Aristotle: A Translation”

  87 Copy quote

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• Imagination is more important than knowledge.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Positive, Leadership

  Albert Einstein (2015). “Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century”, p.32, St. Martin's Press

  306 Copy quote

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• Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

  Irving Kristol

  Freedom, Humorous, Patriotic

  "Two Cheers for Capitalism". Book by Irving Kristol, May 11, 1978.

  56 Copy quote

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• It is terribly amusing how many different climates of feelings one can go through in one day.

  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

  Feelings, One Day, Climate

  10 Copy quote

• Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.

  Anna Freud

  Inspirational, Educational, Creativity

  74 Copy quote

• I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

  Imelda Marcos

  Funny, Fashion, Humorous

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

  William Shakespeare

  Atheist, Memorable, Venice

  'The Merchant of Venice' (1596-8) act 1, sc. 3, l. [99]

  28 Copy quote

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• Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Want, Responsible, Happens

  25 Copy quote

• When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

  John Ruskin

  Motivational, Attitude, Humorous

  58 Copy quote

• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  119 Copy quote

• If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

  Neil Peart

  Song, Choices, Advice

  Neil Peart (2011). “Roadshow: Landscape With Drums: A Concert Tour By Motorcycle”, p.122, ECW Press

  63 Copy quote

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• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Life, Wise

  Twitter post from Oct 30, 2009

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