Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.
I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.
Wine is sunlight, held together by water.
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most.
Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.
I, however, cannot force myself to use "meat drugs" to cheat on my loneliness.
We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.
Alcoholism is a well documented pathological reaction to unresolved grief.
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
He that drinks fast, pays slow.
I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
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