Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Time flies when you are having fun.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
[N]o party is any fun unless seasoned with folly.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.
The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during dinner parties.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
She had heard someone say something about an Independent Labour Party, and was furious that she had not been asked.
The Life and Soul, the man who will never go home while there is one man, woman or glass of anything not yet drunk.
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
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