Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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