Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
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