Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I drink to make other people interesting.