Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."
Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift... The hangover comes the day after.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.