Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."
It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.
Credit buying is much like being drunk. The buzz happens immediately and gives you a lift... The hangover comes the day after.
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
And I, infinitesimal being, drunk with the great starry void, likeness, image of mystery, I felt myself a pure part of the abyss, I wheeled with the stars, my heart broke loose on the wind.
I don't have any interest in going out to clubs. I love people, and I love socializing, I just don't have any interest in being drunk.
Being drunk leads smart people to do stupid things, which is what is so interesting.
I spent so much of my younger life drinking, and being drunk makes learning to be a grown-up kind of hard.
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