Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
I drink to make other people interesting.
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
I like my whisky old and my women young.